when i mean what i say:: September 2009

虽然没有多余的想法,期望..

也没有想要的期待..

因为我, 知道.

也很清楚.

不过,

每一次,

每一次..

都会让我.. 心冷.

真的,真的..

很冷..

oh I FORGOT

yesterday. 29th sept..

WAS ACTUALLY

BABY WYNN WYNN's

BIRTHDAY!

and EVERYONE FORGOTTEN about it..

including Myself!!!

Aaahhhhhh...

HAHA.

sorry baby :P

i owe u 1.

or my whole life!

mummy loves u!

i am a paparazzi.

i stole this photo of the couple when i was walking by the bridge towards fullerton the other day..

how pretty is that?

i caught the photographer's flash on my 2nd snap.

pretty not?! :P

yesterday i stole another photo on the mrt..

it is of a young couple, them being in love on a simple and youthful take!

(some1 mentioned that "i miss dating", which i do, having to have no reservation or worries that i'll impose on anyone,

to have the simplest joy of sharing and fussing over lil things with..like to meet my families and having to laugh over with, crake jokes on.. share bully acts at.. my cousin wld love to bully .. like how i bully theirs' heh.. its like a family thingy.. apparently.. someone told me he missed such. how ironic. )

actually i have always been doing such moronic acts.. stealing photos..!

HAHAHA.

i really can't help it.

i just thought that those moments are magical.

don't you agree?

:)

love is in the air.

i thought.

but..

i'm afraid my take towards love has changed.

if only someone would change that.

*

family.

Yesterday i was out with 2 of my most favourite ppl in the world!

my dajie, and my Aunty nancy!

(she lives in UK with her family)

we Ate. Gossip, laughed, shopped, ate and ate and ate..

:P

but it was lovely.

simple la.

the whole lil time out with them..

do make me feel i am all grown up..

:) overflowing thoughts but well.. i still can't wait to grow older..

else.. go back to when i was a lil girl

and my aunt would stroke my long hair while chatting with me..

my aunty loves; duck, char quay tiao, banana fritters, tofu, and anything actually! haha.

and she would sit and ask me to surprise her with whatever we order!

on the side note..

the whole of my dad's family is in sg..

one of my cousin (myother aunt) who lives in aussie is getting married this sunday..

everyone is back!

and everyone is everywhere! hahaa..

do hoped that i could be driving them around or smth more then that..

since i am this available.

but i wonder why i am so reluctant nowadays..

my cousin is bringing the bride around to get her stuff done..

and here i am blogging..

u can slap me.

well, i got myself a dress to go for the wedding..

got it altered.. (almost 4inches. wth.)

dad says it is ugly.

angie says it is not me!

shite.

hahaha.. i admit i am not exactly happy with it..

but.. i wanted to dress something more girly la..

we shall see..

*

finally i hear some noise and sound of an interview after awhile.

i wonder when will the drive of living get on me again.

when?

euthanasia.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EVSwyqoHUQY

(didn't wanna put it on my blog.. as it is really a sad video)

anyway,

i caught this video online over some webbie.

it is about Euthanasia, putting animals to sleep.

it is something being done everyday in the whole world.

in sg, SPCA. yes, when an abandoned animal is put into the pound, they are given a time line to be adopted, else they will be put to sleep (Euthanasia).

in the video, the lady says that her job is like God.

she walks down the long aisle filled with animals and list down the Euthanasia list with the animals she picked for the session. i watched the sad moment of a dog/cat being put to sleep.

the lady explained the pain behind this job.. but it is a job to be done.

a job done for the irresponsible doings of others.

tsk.

i can go on forever.

but well.

can't we all be more humane?

*

it is late.

and i am being weird.

g'nite.

i wanna watch watch watch.

there are so many movies i wanna watch.

(live in them for the 120mins or so)

1) My sister's keeper

2) Whatever Works

3) Paper Heart

4) 2012

5) (500)days of summer

6) Haeundae

7) Funny people

8) Love happens

..

and i just feel like walking into the cinema tmr to watch

9) The Cove, which is shown @ weird timings and is about to end in the theatres..

AAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaahhh.....

ok i shall go finish up my 252 now...

slap me. thkyou.

reluctance'

i wonder why do i have the reluctance to do stuff nowadays.

sometimes i can naturally do them,

other times i consider too much n ended up just going with the flow.

i am afraid i have lost some of the doing-me-mood.

especially with no consideration or sort and just get down to it type.

*

my bloody mind runs 10x more then before thou.

but why?

i think i am really weird.

i just dream to be being carried away in my thoughts..

just to look into things without thinking deep..

and to have the breeze in me..

how can i?

*

i think i'll soon not be loved. liked. and be detested.

wth.

starry.

the nitty gritty details in life.

only when looked thru the light,

the feeling-ness of a human heart.

the in depth thoughts that often has a relationship in such.

a friend wrote this on FB

One day, love and friendship met.

Love asked," Why do you still exist if i've already existed?"

Friendship replied,"To wipe away the tears when you left."

:)

and another friend added;

to top it up, friendship is a catalyst for love. no friendship, no love..

waiting.

;life

in almost every aspect, phrase, time..

chance upon this :)

空气中
呼吸都凝着
我让思考放空
看你转身上楼
我知道
这就是答案了
还能怎么感受
那残余的温柔

当黑夜清晰过白昼
当快乐赔上了所有
当理智熬不过放纵
你的神色什么都淡了
我还守着爱飘着

da la la la...

你回头
就像往常笑着
好像在原谅我
绑住你的自由

当黑夜清晰过白昼
当快乐赔上了所有
当理智熬不过放纵
我的神色什么都算了
却还守着爱飘着

错在明知是错
快乐该怎么选择
我爱错
我只能选择沉默
不该嘶吼

当盲目的黑夜
清晰过白昼
当奢侈的快乐
赔上了所有
当假装的理智
熬不过放纵
每个路口
怎么转都错
我进退不得
谁救我

飞不进你梦中
偷一点感受
飞不回原来我
冰冷的躯壳
就这样漂浮着
悲伤的穿梭
感觉掏空
灵魂不在了
爱情突然失重
在飘着

da la la la...

睡不著~

不了解.

*

闷;

想要拥有更多..

可以吗?

*

我想,我以准备好了...

glass, pretty, in the middle of the greens.

:copyrights - http://weiquan-extraordinary.blogspot.com

heard from the many conversations @ the wedding

about a glass chapel @ the Amara sanctuary..

heard that it is this lil glass/transparent standing chapel/pavilion

in the midst of the greens..

:)

how pretty is that..

googled it and found this photo.

and it is at the pretty sentosa..

i so wanna see it in real.

in this photo..

the couple was ringing the bell..

:)

how lovely is such.

...

aisle.

the aisle.

was at a wedding this afternoon.

thou there weren't any hair standing or tearing love story,

none really emotional songs..

but the kind of mood and expression i had towards it was nice.

the bride says she loves her groom for being a Goofball~

i'm a fren of the groom btw, and yes it totally describes him.

and the wedding lunch was like that.

they played, I Wanna to hold Your Hand (beatles) this kind of song @ the march in..

but i think it was lovely still.

i met many many familiar faces today.

so many it felt like some work dinner just that everyone get to sit down.

and i suddenly feel grown up.

i'd say the kind of feeling was ..

midway.

just like how i am now.

how i feel everyday.

how i think each time.

how i face myself each morning.

i fear to look deep.

i fear to think hard.

i fear to consider more.

i fear to face the facts.

i wonder what in life is really the bigger area?

the important element?

the must haves?

the Core of life..

i remind myself i am very very very fortunate each day.

and i warn myself to complain or have negative thoughts.

i think i am a moron.

i wanted to write about the Aisle of Happiness..

but i wrote about my rants.

*

Commitment.

the joy&life revolving around it was the words that gave me goose-bumps @ the wedding.

Commitment..

in life, in love, in everything.

*

frankly.

i wished there is a teddybear that could abduct me away. now.

slap me someone.

i just rant too much.

someone wrote this..

" ...When you pray and ask God to show you the way, be prepared for him to answer because you'd sure wanna listen.... "

am i even listening?

i hate this cycle.

the emotional thoughts that come with the un-comforting pain.

i wished i do not have to smile.

i wished i do not have to make myself think.

i wished i could just have a comfort hug and warmth down my face that makes my mind drift away the un-comforting pain..

or maybe i should just swear.

i hate being a woman.

*

i hate picking up calls in the morning by unknown numbers.

because none of them are what i have been waiting for.

my patience is being tested.

i almost threw my anger on some freebee caller.

it is your lucky day i don't feel good.

oh, bloody hell.

*

maybe a bagel with coffee. in bed. will be nice.

IF ONLY

if only;

if only i knew.

if only i knew what should be done.

if only i have everything within my capabilities.

if only i know better.

if only i am not such a moron.

if only i am with a right one.

if only i understood.

if only i am wise.

if only i am not such a bitch.

if only i am more giving.

if only i am less of a woman.

if only i am someone to you.

if only i play a better role.

if only i do not shake and tear.

if only i do not fear.

if only i do not run.

if only i could tell more.

if only i am brave.

if only i am more then i am now.

if only i will never have throat pains ever!

if only i am less annoying?

nite.

maybe its just the sleepless nite.

blog reading.

u may call me a blog stalker or a boring human.

but frankly sometimes reading blogs makes one encouraged;

taken from - http://angela.blursotong.com/

encouraged, i am.

chong-hei naggy entry.

some things in life;

we can never have a firm grip on.

we can never be sure of.

we can never learn enough of.

we can never be clear about.

we can never know enough.

sometimes even when we think we do.

i guess it is ok when in due time we learn and get the most of it the good way.

but when we doesn't. all we could do and feel is, hear the big gulp of ourselves swallowing it down our throat.

*

i still am being hopeful.

which i wished i could be doing more.

but i guess i am gd.

i get/see/hear/know of it.

i think i am ok.

but i cant help but wanna curse and swear and secretly wanna cry out in anger.

because i think it will and has been something part of me.

but ironically i know and feel nothing big over the subject anymore.

but i guess it is the nitty gritty as always.

my dearest frens claim that they have bored lives.

thus we kept finding stuff to fill it up.

but i secretly hope that no1 gets sick n tired ourselves soon! :P

uncle and his worrying view ahead.

but i dunno why i feel that there is a lot ahead for him.

so much that he will be more then surprise for.

so much that he will one day tell me how happy and grateful he is to god :)

we all know he is capable of more..

my dearest someone and her decision to giveup on a hope.

myfear of wanting to give her another reason to reconsider.

if there is more then a way for it.

does god already have it all planned?

what is meant to be?

is there even such?

;what a naggy post.

rationale.heart.reality.

caught the last episode of The Bachelor last night.

i haven't been chasing it since the 1st few epi.

caught it lying in bed wanting to slep. but i ended up watching it till the end.

there were 2 girls left.

and midway thru the dates of the 2, i already can make a guess who He would choose over.

thou the enjoyment with both. the ladies seemed really nice. i see the lil guilt and holding back with one. true enough he choose the other, and while rejecting one, he cried and felt so guilty.

because this girl was a really nice girl. i totally agree with. nice not in ways of perfection but there are many things in her, he likes, she smiles and brings alot of joy.. and even @ the moment of rejection she showed no anger but blessings. her name is sadie.. i am not sure why i feel this thing with sadie.. i loved her joyous nature, it charms me as a women, and i can relate to the happiness she gets over her self joys. but i think i can feel her lil ache after too.

the other lady jen, was the simple girl that 1st fear falling in.. because she knew she has and was developing feelings for him.. something that is uncontrollable. that is something that can't be pretended. it is like a heart that lives on its own. well, that proves she was the one which he would choose, its mutual, more then just enjoyment..

would i call that love?

i am not sure.

but its a show. but it reminded me about the uncontrollable heart.

something beyond words.

but i guess it only happens in time of an irrational position/time.

preparing to go out there to love with no reservations.

but true enough, being rationale becomes a factor of controlling the heart.

i always thought that the heart never lies,

it is uncontrollable, nor prepar-able, or plan-able.

but at this age, this point, i guess i feel otherwise.

it is not just to love.

be love. have someone to love.

it is more then that.

and i guess it gets more rationale.

more cruel.

more real.

more tiring.

more aimless.

probably being old-er is the word to explain.

haha.

what an impromptu thoughts from a show.

but its true, isn't it?

i kinda hate being rationale at tyms.

*

i waited for a call a whole day.

i really can't stand empty promises :(

thou its not very much of a promise..

i take each some seriously and remembers many.

humans.

0

feeling less

emotion less

warmth less

less of all the world's movement.

i wonder if i am running away from the real world.

maybe i am sick n tired.

but frankly,

i am not sure over what.

maybe everything.

i am like floaty, shunning away from almost everything,

thoughts, emotions, feelings, wants, needs ..

am i?

or am i thinking too much.

i think i am selfish.

i think i need to be slapped.

i think i am blabbering nonsense.

i think i am starting to detest myself.

whatever.

sudden thoughts of coincidence.

just caught FD in the movies.

thou a pretty match overly created scenes and stories..

it was a lot of death and trying to live.

then i read online, someone wrote on,

"nothing is forever"

and later a death of a blogger's fren..

dunno why i suddenly feel that life is short.

unpredictable and not within our reach or catch..

and the emotions and thoughts of many flow by my mind.

i guess life is really something beyond what we can imagine.

and to cherish and capture things to the best we can,

suddenly feels hard.. yet important.

to look at things lighter becomes another and being able to look further in light also becomes important..

i think i just love to get alil emo over issues of l/d.

but it is too true and too near to me already.

taking a deep breathe.

but i will still live a relax and happy life.

be it pain or not.

worry or not.

certain or not.

lonely or not.

bored or not.

lost or not.

haha.

cus.. life is probably really too unpredictable :P

*

it is a pretty random entry.

:)

*

i am looking forward to spend some time with my relatives and friends this weekend :)

一切一切, 已到一个段落,

已过去了..

屬於 - 梁靜茹

我堅持的　都值得堅持嗎

我所相信的　就是真的嗎

如果我趕追求　我就敢擁有嗎

而如果都算了　不要呢或許吧　

或許我永遠都不要遇見他或許吧　

或許我太天真了吧

＊屬於我的昨天之前的結局　

我決定我的決定屬於我的明天之後的憧憬　

我迷信我的迷信屬於我們點點滴滴的傷心　

我們要各自忘記屬於我們閃閃發亮的愛情　

我們再一起努力屬於風的　那就...

The Teenage Textbook Movie.

it is soooo Old School~

love the bus stop still scene of just mui-ee standing there alone.

saw planet hollywood in sg, royston tan in e show as calefare i think! Ops.

and i think Kai looks like a friend of mine. just the physics part thou. HAHAHA.

enjoyed it.

oh, and in real life, Tom de cruz lives happily-ever-after with Mui-Ee :D

a thursday.

adrenaline rush~

don't laugh.

i had that for driving out to the road for the first time today.

the experience is pretty... feet&palms sweating i'd say!!

met my instructor at the usual carpark..

and was waiting for him to drive me somewhere or smth..

n he just sat at the passenger's seat .." ok, hop on and lets go.."

you should see the surprised and worry look i had.

but there i went..

;car'died' 3tyms @ traffic light seeing 2 huge lorries behind me! ahhahaa..

went to a s-course and i guess that was the funniest part when instructor was arguing w someone on the phone and left me alone.. almost made an embarrassing act but the opp car instructor just waved making me feel paise.

well, it was an exciting 1.5hrs i'd say!

i wonder why i dread it all nite! :P

it has been awhile since i am in a short span of time and it felt kinda longer yet so filled!!!

feels like you did alot more~

*

my life is getting the;

busy not, busy yes, lazy yes, unlazy not.

messy, messy not, filled, filled not.

the grass is always greener on the other side huh!

we often reaches different points of our mood/ thoughts moments where we wonder why are we here? what could be better? why must we live the life like that? etc.

the question the has no comforting answers..

the questions that irritates your own soul.

well, it is easier said then done to stop questioning ourselves.

but we just have to keep looking ahead.

and hope that the lil perks in life can cover up the other bumpy moods we have.

right?

*

my life today.

is;

not horrible.

not terrible.

not painful.

not v.bitter.

just mild.

just stoney.

just drifty.

just bloaty.

and lil ache-y.

thus,

i shall not look back n go sour or bitter over anything.

*

someone told me God is Good to him Yesterday,

i think it is one of the warmest thing that makes u smile.

it reminds you that god is always good to us.

yea.

vanity strikes.

my baby, Macbook,@ home.. on a rainy week day..

but i wished i was better dressed/ hair combed! HA.

but.. i was having so much fun doing it..

i didnt realised my hair look super unkept..

hello, i am at home.. wad do u expect?

some1. strangle me!!! :P

somewhere over the rainbow~

i heard this version of somewhere over the rainbow on a photographer's blog,

he put it over an album of photos for a young couple.. a simple wedding..

looking @ the photos against this song..

it gave me gitters.. all over... n smiles in envy.

:)

today.

marks the start of my waiting phase.

i do not like rainy days.
but i recall liking some.

but often i don't.
especially when you wake up in bed hearing the rain.
you wonder if you shld get up.. or slep back in.

the rain dampens everything.

i wanted to get my butt out for a jog.
wynn for a walk.
but now i can't.

but i think i remembers enjoying my time walking in the rain before..

maybe it is all in the mind.

like some who loves to sleep in on a rainy day.
...
today.
marks another phase.
i dare not think, dare not feel, dare not judge.
just hope.

i am taking huge breathes and reminds myself of the many..

i need to do all the things i wanted to do..
finish reading my overdue bb verses,
pack my room, wardrobe, stuffs,
clear my lappie, organise my work,
send ALOT of resumes...
hahaha.. when i tot i have nth in hand..
i do have alot to do huh!

*

acknowledged the fact,
know it. learnt it. admit it.
but i think it is the f* horrible side of human that lets you behave other wise.
but well,
i just gotta know what right ya..
hmph, its just another phase. again.
blo*dyh*ll.

*
i just wanna sit back.
i just wanna be able to smile walking together.
i just wanna be looking forward..
i just wanna be excited..
i just wanna have some butterflies..

i hope i can hop onto a plane nw.

when i mean what i say:

Wednesday, September 30, 2009

oh I FORGOT

i am a paparazzi.

family.

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

euthanasia.

Sunday, September 27, 2009

i wanna watch watch watch.

reluctance'

starry.

Thursday, September 24, 2009

a friend wrote this on FB

waiting.

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

chance upon this :)

Monday, September 21, 2009

glass, pretty, in the middle of the greens.

aisle.

Friday, September 18, 2009

slap me someone.

Thursday, September 17, 2009

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

blog reading.

chong-hei naggy entry.

Thursday, September 10, 2009

rationale.heart.reality.

Wednesday, September 09, 2009

0

Tuesday, September 08, 2009

sudden thoughts of coincidence.

Sunday, September 06, 2009

Thursday, September 03, 2009

屬於 - 梁靜茹

The Teenage Textbook Movie.

a thursday.

Tuesday, September 01, 2009

vanity strikes.

somewhere over the rainbow~

today.

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