A Monday I thought I breathe a breath of fresh air.
I chance upon a song from a friend's fb post and it got me really upset. I think i re-played it at least 5 times and felt that I've lost you.
I think friendship is such a fragile and complex thing. as much as it is filled with the best things you can get in knowing people out of your family, they tend to give you both happy and painful tears. they just come and go too quickly.
I always thought I've lost her way back, until recently I realized she has never left me. (not sure about her) but it is just of tons of memories. I actually unknowingly wanted to bridge it for the better. Not for a closure. Oh my self pretending ideals, it ofcourse didn't progress, because I've lost her. what really hurt was the fact we weren't 2 ppl who shared similar interest or grew out of any same pit, we build our friendship on efforts and we gave all we had. ( I know I did ) so it really really felt painful to see things ending up this way. But; this could be the best way or only way I guess.
Another message came to a laughing me in much surprise. It started from a dear friend's entry/thoughts on being an "option" or being "special. (there about) and it ended with "melt the rock" "I sincerely apologize once more..."
Upon hearing, i actually took a deep breathe of nothing but air. no aches, no tears, no running mind. just purely Air!
and there it ended my day. I felt like this day could have came earlier. but I'm good. I learn! (says my dear friend)
visiting the Zoo never fail to make me a happy girl, rain or shine!
this time it actually reminded me of a trip w the ex many many years ago. which I (we) actually enjoyed very much and even developed photos from the trip. it brings me much smiles.
now I really wanna visit SA with a special someone. Paris is no longer top in the list.
on the side note, the bubble has burst! so funny. because even P recognizes the bursting and wishing me luck. deep down, I can't wait to see my fellow darlings get settled too! but it was a pretty shocking news and it was an extremely loved day for our Mother goose! eventful it was...
was telling my dear rui that;
"our heart is connected to every part of body! but our brain is not"
I was referring to why when comes to heart-matters its so much harder (even when our mind is thinking straight)
first I was greeted to a lovely msg from a dear friend. (she is really one of the sweetest ppl i know! shes such a swweeeeetheart :) ) ~which pushed me to keep my decisions!
then, all fails as my emotions was everywhere, was feeling all emotional and tired..
then this evening, B. throws me a happy news! I will soon have "a team" :D
"I think I can not have you,
I think I will.
Should this be the next step,
should I brave this step
I know when my heart aches hearing stories, I know I should take step"
*
I think I know.
but knowing differs from doing.
but amazingly, the mind is more relax. it's like preparing itself for a new lease.
If I could, I wish I'm hopeful.
but I think I no longer have the strength to be, to embrace something I'm never sure of. sometimes I think I need a sign, other times I think the sign is everywhere!
the back to back meetings was crazy,
the late night discussion till 1+am was absurd. but I'm actually proud of myself that I felt less bitter then before.
all I did was to feel way happier and energized then B. she was definitely the grumpier one this time.
I guess, I expected worst and was all ready to get over with it. my decision to stay will come with much of these aches. I shall embrace.
am glad, I had lil cheerup moments on the way. meeting some weird, some nice fellas, and the extremely-rush on board experience I had was giving me the "this could have been worst, thank god!"
so well, I shall embrace what's ahead!
1.street that aim to be like our orchard road (I am very patriotic and I love the sound of it)
2. aches that kept me awake was cured with dots by mom!
it's the time of the year again!
this time similar to last yr, there smth on top of the usual! and to add some excitement to it, it's across the borders!
heading over in the morning; this will mark the START of this tiring cycle again!!!! bittersweetness.
because, I hope be better knowing more! and for a head start, I rec some positive remarks from the MD this evening. that lil drive. I'm grateful!
anyway, when I though this "busy-break" was ideal! it got me confused again!
dropby grandma's as it was Mid-Autumn festival.. it seems like a very long time since I went to her place! Usually, she's here at ours.
I never once looked at my grand's place and felt this "emotional"... I guess my age is pressing on those emotions again!
A home" where my parents first stayed after they wed, where my 2 sisters grew up in.. :)) even grand commented that I haven't been there fr a really long time...
it was a lovely night. we look through pictures, laughed and was sharing them w my aunt in the uk via Wadsapp. we made merry and made grand a happy old-lady :D
the place looks like a postcard', like a drawing of the olden days..
grand has displayed some photos under the glass sheet on her wooden furniture. Mum&Dad was such a good looking couple! h
My mother was/still-is soooooo Hot! :D
My sisters are too cute!
Now I know where I got the Love for taking photos, polaroids and girly stuff.. from mummy! (and that's my Dad, btw!)
Here i am again;
where work is coming heads-on"the year end craze with an extra twist in the job. (All coming at me! I really can see it!) lotsa stuff on my mind&heart but off i head fr a short getaway for the joy of life!
call it a recharge before the Race!
- seriously, I worked at least 12hrs each day since monday! But im still this awake at this hour!!!! sometimes I amaze myself! I swear I'll KO on the flight Tmr -
