I really feel like crying picking up your call this morning!
Becus u just made me gave myself a slap. Yesterday, i have just consoled myself about having the weekends to myself working under you, churning off the daily upsets of the environment. But u called earlier and spoke of the most unimportant matter that needed my answers/ my ears.
What is wrong with the world?!
Maybe it's the hangover, Maybe it's the crazy giggles, Maybe it's me.
Despite e unwillingness of work n humanity, & e awful crawl to wake up...
My dad gave me a nice morning kick start;
Wearing my shoe covers at the door.. Dad on CNA; ".. 6 Deers escaped frm the night safari!!!!" "...wynn go and follow your mummy go work! Go go..." dog seated next to dad.
He would share with me some exciting news, he would be having some morning time w the dog, tv etc.. I'll be rushing mad, I'll say goodbye and ask him to lock after me. (but sometimes he nags n give me the awful parental craps)
:) i hope that i will have such mornings everyday.. Or even breakfast by the table watching news..
I need to learn to live by the real humanity of my kind. Not read beneath, not feel underneath, not get grumps from unworthy, not feel bitter being me.
I should be glad ya. *
Breathe. Breathe. Breathe. I need a magic wand to complete all the work I have. Or another me to fight the war.
Listening to my colleague controlling her hiccups into tiny hiccuppy noises until an uncontrolled loud hiccup followed by a "sorry&excuseme"
I smiled. Lately I heard so many hiccups frm other ppl! Dun be mistaken.
Hiccups brings me a tinge of fizziness.
Have u let out a big hiccup And felt so embarrassed?!! but having someone to laugh with(at) you till ur tears flow? The feeling is happy, annoyed!!, embarrassed and loved all together! :)
the coat of memory fuzz is enbalmed when fingers came to wipe off your happy-embarrassed tears on ur cheek.. n smiled...
"A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort." ~Herm Albright, quoted in Reader's Digest, June 1995
it's a long read by the Author of The Teenage Text Book.
i really need to read a book/ watch a movie that makes the mind swirl/ chat with a insane other or just do something shioky. Else i may go insane too...
but reading this slightly not-sane entry is simply gooood :)
*
I guess it is all true that i need to face what i need to face eventually in order to be sane and less pressured internally. but there are too many things in life that i have chosen not to face. or the politically right word is put down my pride and admit it.
some things i thought could be buried away through time... but in fact, it has impacted me and created something out of me.
but unfortunately, there are so many many aches and ugly truths that made me who i am today.
and yes, it is also a contributing factor of my disgust and annoyance of today.
but it is all my own struggles/ pressure/ un-acceptance and of course expectations of myself.
well, i know life has never promised me anything.
but i have made promises to my own pride and own beliefs.
and when i do not honour it, i just can't help feel hated over my own-self.
some times i really wonder being me is healthy/ correct/ brave/ right or dumb.
This world is filled with unworthiness.
and i am very tired.
tired of the many disgusting truth that surfaces.
everywhere, everyday.
and i announce that i am a brat with pms who is literally tired of pleasing humans and being OK.
i am not ok. to you, u and u.
and an unkind human for real.
*on the side note. i was really really NOT OK to sit in class today. don't think i can be fooled.
the grooming class teacher took me in with the general staff and ask me to cleanse off my existing makeup for hers, i firmly said " i am not-ok to take it off" firmly i repeated it when she reminded me i had to.
and i think she gave in and moved on.
stubborn you may say. but this whole class is not earning my respect.
tsk, but trust me.
saying NOT-OK is as tired as the after-wards of saying OK.
Psalms 51:10 Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me.
* what kind of a heart do you have? what kind of a heart does not please e lord? what kind of a heart is worthy for thee? what kind of a heart do you see in me?
From surfing the net n reading things from everywhere.
this caught me.
Addicted to Love Overcoming heartbreak may be similar to kicking an addiction, say researchers studying brain images of the lovelorn. Scientists asked 15 college students who had recently been rejected by their romantic partners to look at pictures of their exes — with whom they were still deeply in love — and found that the most active areas of the students’ brains were those involved in motivation, craving, addiction and pain. The findings may help explain why feelings of romantic love and rejection are so hard to control. But the study also confirmed that time does heal a broken heart: the students who had been separated the longest had the weakest reaction to the pictures.
The older One gets, the longer one steps into this working world (longest life phase).. The more certain/ uncertain one is?
I'm the later, the uncertain.
Uncertain of where your career path may lead to, uncertain of how your life may shape to, uncertain of who you may grow old with, uncertain of how and what you actually can have or could achieve. Or just uncertain of your tmrs your coming weekends.
And when I thought I was once ab exciting uncertain child who got excited of growing up. I am now an un-excited uncertain adult who don't exactly even know what I wanna do later.
(ok, I just don't wanna get drenched in my white top fr now)
Was able to knock off when e sky was bright and there were no crowds! :D Hop onto dad's headed to fetch sisters fr dinner! Bought them teochew porridge and they bought me udders icecream! Went to e bakery fr breakie and went to fetch mum n broinlaw frm wrk! We even had 20mins of video games while waiting fr them! It was a perfect Monday night!
But, I had a dream-race night! So sleepy now n was rushing like crazy that I cldnt recall what I said during the morn call n didn't even wear socks!!! :(
I really had to admit that it's been awhile since I feel "confident" and glad" of my lil beliefs and tattered character. I never thought/knew that anyone else would see and thought that I was above thee. I was more then flattered and touched.
I thought Uve grown to dislike and am disappointed in me after all these years.
I felt the tiny goosebumps hearing the rest ask of me, old bickering, ugly yet warmth comments.
Old old friendship and growing-up real human relation that's so so genuine and special that is.
