final week. ~ when tym is not enuff
had a lonnng nite yest..
was at suntec...
i can hardly describe the 'struggle' i saw last nite..
i realise this cycle of frens over frens..
its really really so hard n so .... ahhh... jus a really bad feeling..
'when they r impt..' but often becus u know them too well u feel the 'hack care'..
'When others drop by' ..warmth and more giving... u wonder where u belong..
i know where i belong.. but i don't reall mind it at all... i love making frens.. n i want my bestfren to b hapy.. i want her to know i recognise them.
i shal not dwell on this.. the thought of it makes tears wanna flow..
i see the pain n his eyes.
i think history has repeat itself''...
today's a brand new day! Finallllly im watching bridget Jones' today!!! yeah..
n tmr.. im dying to go to sentosa.. Mr Sun.. pls dun run away k..
i hope UU n the gals would wanna go..
but wadever .. il stil wanna go..
keeping my fingers cross.. hope that he wont feel 'uncomfy k'..
( i wont force u..really.. its ok if u dun want to.. i understand.. n thkU for always trying to suit Us. - i know ull b reading this....i appreciate it)
i cant sleep again..
n im too lazy to upload pics.. my com is telling me.."ur computer has low virtual memory.."
duno y i m having problem sleeping..
wanna slep so that i can wakeup early n bring wynn for a walk.
talking about wynn..
its the time of the yr .'if i want her to have babies.. it should b tym to get her a mate'..
but i have been thinking..
Do i want to have Wynn the way she is now.. jumpy, playful, always up to mischiev...non stop playing ..active... or wynn.. being verymuch milder n less active?
if she has babies.. things will b different.. she'l definately be different..
even mom says "i like her like that.. dun ned la.." i was really touched.
but again.. i remembered Connie ( our first dog) she left ur w/o leaving anth.. n my sis really regreted not letting her have a baby.. although we dont steralise our pets.
now i feel like a mom!
i love Wynn.. n the more i want her to be happy. n this is a cycle..
bt i also m scared of thing changes.. i guess i shall let nature takes its course.
if wynn 'falls' in love w anothr dog .. haha.. she's be a mom..
if not.. she'll be my baby forever!.
funny... but i stil cnt slep!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
nite.
myLove
heartfelts.
Just like any other sundays...
after a long day at wrk on sat..i slept til noon...
Dad brought us 'branch'.. watch tv...washup... n off for a family's day out.
We went to pickup grace... went to shop near my aunt's..buy Lottery - a must! ahha
Went Imm... grocery... n met up w sue after her dating sunday morn...then dinner....
cold day... we went to eat steamboat/fish head...
( i think its a routine... we eat that at least once a month!)
i like sunday... n i hate it in a way...
love beig gon the road... talking rubbish w my sisters... seeing mummy n daddy bickering over stuff..eating non stop on e road... n ofcus..being a little girl... being very at hm... letting my hair down n just dun care about wads happening outside e car!... i love them more than anything...
over the tired weekend.. i think time has passed me by faster n faster..so fast it seems like its saturday nite. i look back i think about what have i been doing..n feeling..
Frankly, nowadays.. im much 'less feeling'! haha.. duno how i shld put it..
but i stil m that cindy that likes to think n observe alot...
smth stil fresh n clear in my mind was about this man.
some guy that made my heart hold..n made me smile ...
N no im not interested in him.. not at all.. but just that he has made it so clear and re-inforce my mind about what makes this guy so attractive.. smth i was n always so attracted to..
'He is very much smaller built then others, decent looking, nice dress sense but less 'active' in the crowd i must say. i never see him as someone different or like 'shine above others' among them... never thought he is anymore different or better i must say.. but i have seen him alil dif then the others is being a very much confident dresser' n a sports person. he often adds 'alots of fun factor' in his presentation in clothes (parties). Seen him n a cowboy hat! over a suit in a party. okok. i shall go to my point..
let me put it in this manner..
senerio1 : picking up the packet....he reaches out..open the packet and returns it to me with a smile.. ( i didn't even ask.. i didnt even expected him to do that at all..
the packet is small n easy to open...)
senerio2 : reaches out his hands to tap on my arm to call me...instead on calling me aloud...
(' he asked of if ive eaten)
senerio 3 : standing by my side, he lifts his arm in front of me... makes sure it wont't hit me...
( i din know it was that dangerous.. n anyone would bother.. he could have told me.. but he didn't.. he just did what was suppose at that moment)
My oh my.. i don't really know him.. maybe by his name, and he knew me by my name.. exchange smiles... but never really had much contact.. but yet...
have to make it clear.. he is not interested in me or anything.. n i m not interested in him or attracted to him.. but HE IS THAT GENTLEMANLY ( n
'softly charming "musculine"')... that's his 'nature'.. its IN HIM.
This person appears to be confident and happy .. someone who could be inferior for his little weaknes.. but he is not a bit.. above that he tries to add more to his overall. I adores this Bit of him.. n this bit of anyone... confident n postive..
now i give that extra smile when i see him.. n i heard from others.." we love him becus He Is This sweet.. nth fake or extra-y actions.. Its just him.. he is like that one..all the while...dont see him so quiet n only smile smile.."
ohmy. Yup this is the very thing i melts over.. n it just reminded me y m i so over that fella n thoughts of him have left footprints in my mind. It just smth so genuine.. so natural...
:) it makes me happy to know that theres still ppl like that. Now i sound like some weirdo!hahah
anyway.. talking about this.. ppl... i feel so old.. going to Hit the Two digit.. after realising its alrdy dec!!.. i feel that time is passing really very very fast.. n i feel old...
2005 coming..
images of me on the eve of 'millenium' nite flashes back... i rememebered someoen saying.. "what if when it strikes 12mid nite n time stops ah?" that naive fren o mind w us those were the childish n fun days.. but i knew at that point when the clock strikes 12.. its a new beginning.. n i remembered we were so sure of the days ahead.. those were the days when u are young n u just throw ur heart out n feel the days.. the time.. the ppl..the fun... the excitement.
ok.. i think its really alot!!! haha.
gtg... n slep.. dying to watch BJ diary2. cnt wait.
mylove
Erms.
Too many people overvalue what they are not and undervalue what they are. -
Malcolm Forbes
- smth to think about.
Btw, a question ....
Is this blog thingy suppose to be read by others? As in in e first place as 'owners' do we intend to...
if not it wont b online... but if yes then were would be trying to hide e obvious...
or r we pretending not... n hoping?
or r we just sharing...
i initially thought its a great way to de-stress... a great way to note down ur thoughts..
but now i have my doubts...
hmmm..
lets think about it.
im tired.
have work tmr...
have been working..
my fingers seems to have cuts everywhere... it hurts when i have soap on.. it hurts when im typing..
but surprisingly.. i seems quite happy this early morn/late nite... weird?
its a 'woman's thing!"
i am trying .
When i felt the sharp pain from my finger, i saw another thin cut...
the broken nail, the one that cut thru my other finger...
my half coloured nails...
i wonder. to myself.. y the pain n unwillingness?
i felt so 'wei qu' all of a sudden...
life seems meaningless today.
what will i be doing after i grad. doing stuff like what i do now? my collegue is a poly grad.
time pass u by... u look at the clock ticking u by... months ...yrs... u await for ue salary, the hard earned money.. u spend it.. splurge it.... then u wait for the next one.. thats definately not what i want..
but do i have a choice of does this world, this era, this road i walk limits my route?
MyGod! i feel old n tired n meaningless n blah balh again.. i hate this period n i want to get out of it.
i just woder what ur life's like?
waht do u look forward to?
your daily goal.. ur daily excitement in ur job..ur career..ur time and ur Fun.
:)
for now.. i jus look forward to the weekend w my family...family out things...
sentosa trips!!! shopping trips... the movies!.. kTv fun.... gers nite out.... sum lazy outdoors w them...
n not forgetting... a girly hopeful thought of that
excitement.
bleah.
tmr its a 9am - 10pm thing!!! wish me luck...
wish me lotsa fun pls..
as i hope.
( watched ENews-taiwan..stef sun... abt WorldVision. i hope to do my part too.. haiz. smth v meaningful..
'adopt a child')
mylove.
SurvivaL
After seeing the tears of the Brazilian's U-19 women's soccer... they lost to china 0-2.
i can still remember their moment of happiness when they won over the russian's 4-2.
The game with the russian's was one the most Exciting games i watched!
Russia leads from the start, 1-0,1-1,2-1.....94th min into the 5min extra time...Brazilians..scored. EQUALISED!!
into the 30mins extra. brazilian have never lead the match.... 18th min(itnk)... they scored again!!!!!!... leading for the 1st tym!...
Marta jersey no. 10 and
Christiani 11.... created for S
uzan jersey 18!!! woohoo...( lotsa skillful dribbling and passing...brazilians had the posession) corner from marta..curved in beautifully..... the duo did miracles after the first two goals.. and finally...24th min....the 4th goal!.... whistle blown.... tears from the russians..and happy smiles and tears from the brazilians!!..they were jumping and hugging....
Now that they lost to the chinese... tears of sadness, angry, frustration and dissapointments......
'the beautiful game'
Today at work...
met sum nice kids.. met sum annoying kids...met sum boring kids...
conclusion.. i dun really love kids.. so sad... mayb younger ones...below 4 yrs pls.. haha.. i thnk i hav not much patients after facing7/8 all at once today! thumbs up to all the teachers!!
took a picture with
Min Min.. one of my fav kid of the day.... with the bunny hat she did...
il upload it.! *wink*
tmr's another long day..
sentosa anyone?
i realise i ned to be attracted to something of that sumone....in order to like him..
is that y i havent fallen for anyone for ages??
in life its not thru the happy moments we find real secure in ppl... but in triumphs.
brand new week.
I really really hate it when time flies so fasT!!!!
its alrdy almost nearing school reopens.... n im abit worried... i dunno y..
i really hate it!!!!
AHHH... but nevermind!
lets flood the days ahead w FUN FUN n Nth But FUN.
today i realised that my bond with them is really very special..
i hope that down the roads we'll all still be like that.
The love and care for each other... the respect, our real self... i think FRIENDS play an important part.
I am quite un happy.. over the issues of work n friends! ( yes i jus said they r impt)
but mayb thats y..
i hate it when she does giggles over them.. pretend and hints me...
i hate it when she thinks that i would understand so its ok... ( yes i do but sumtime can u please think o the whole picture???)
i hate it .... i duno la...
maybe i am not that angry after all... becus i love her.. n i know thats what happens btwn friends.
i just hope that me giving so much would be felt.. n not taken advantage of. i think thats y im angry.
i m suppose to b a happy person!!!!
ohya... watched sum show on ch5. abt sum kid got abused!!!! damn! . y must all these happen? its so cruel n painful..
that kid was made to eat his own motion, got at least 100 cane marks on him, dripped wax and pinched over his sensitive areas w include is testicles... the pain mus be unbearable.. i jus wanna say. GOD BLESS U!.. that man!!!!
oh n one thing interesting abt that show was the lawyer that helps to defend that man!! a job i feel no one would wanna take but yet very worthy and important. in the law everything must be delt with fair.. ooo.. my childhood dream... LAWYER!.. hhaa.. my dad use to say: "cindy u really like to argue... so nxt time b a lawyer!!!!"
:)
btw i want to go sentosa leh.. n i wan to bring wynn...
sitting by the bench in the late morning w wynn at the 'man made' garden near my estate feels realy good...
imagine if its a realll real garden...sea...beach.??? hahhaha...
THAT guy w a car n loves animals! where r u??.. awaiting for u for the late nite rides w wynn to the beaches....
mylove.
We dont live in a world of reality. We live in a world of perceptions - Gerald J.Simmons
got this via m1/sms...
do u agree?? i have my doubts...
thurs-fri blues.
Jus finish watching Growing Up Wild at animal planet. today's animal is the Wolves.
learnt smth again today.
wolves have different 'statues' in a family pack. And amongst the many females in that pack,
one female will try to rule' to become the 'dominant' female'. being the youngst or a alfa female over ur grandmothers. She stil is 'Queen'! haha.
in sounthern california (i tnk)
theres this wild life conservation centre where they study wolves and raise them (human raised) trying to know more of the wolves, beheaviours and in search of artificial insimulating (spell !oops) them to help them reproduce. due to the dropping numbers of wolves. ( if im nt wrong, there is really v.few creatures of wolves arnd, e.g the red-haired(itnk) and smth golden brown has less then 6-12 of them in the wild. And that centre has one of each.
They are trying to find some way to keep them alive and continue their family line.
raising them to about 2 months and releasing them to the wild : their aim.
the highlight of this episode was the birth of 7 pups form two females.
one was a natural pregnancy - (5 babies, 2 females n 3 males) and the othe by Maria' an artificial one. (2 males) The centre's first sucess in this artificial insimu-----tion! hahaha.
WOW.
have to mention this!!
2 of the really sweet pups was named Truck and Growly-pants!!! ( try to read frm their names... named them becuz of their beheaviours!!.. i shld hav named Wynn, Pity Patch!! :P)
Truck's the biggest out of them all yet the most gently... and growly pants growl everytime u touch her!! and since young she has signs of being e most dominent one and nt forgetting in size she is the smallest amongst them. haaha
had parts where they tried to put the pups into the adult pack, Maria the real mum unable to acknowledge her pups as the dominent female wants to be mum, her trying to hide her motherlly nature... the pups fitting in..the handler's worry and prayers... so much so much
they showed alot of hand raised scences of the wolves, their beheaviours. How the handlers used their Dogs as companions, The human touch to keep close contact in order to not lose the mother-ly connection with the handlers, the feeding, the time, the effort, the knowledge.... and ofcoz..the LOVE.
i lovvvve this show... and would lovveee to write more and more proper.... but its 2am... and i have work tmr. ahhahaha
anyway... its a distanced dream to have such a lovely and specail JOb like those of the centre. hand raise them..put in all your tym n have No life... study them and raise them like what they shoud b... have scars, bites and behave like an animal....( the lady even learnt how to hoowl)... and most importantly..Save them...and return them to the wild.. pay tribute to the nature we humans have taken frm them...
let our future generations see the beautiful side we saw.
WAAaaa... sounds 'wei da'.. but i am serious.. n i meant what i say...
let this drem live on....
as i countinue my journey on Animal Planet..! thks to u SCV! hahah
mylove.
sunday pinky-blues
its a nice weekend saturday....
ginny's bday. how swet. its only on bdays we all get out of our own busy lives and make a point to meet up n enjoy ourselves.. gurls.. way to go!
i reallly had a gd tym. although it felt like tym past by too fast.
its four am. and i cnt slep...
was online... n elaine click on me .." i thought me going online at this time is weird... u r worst!"
"...hoookers nite?...... 'tiger beer nu lang'....."
its really funny... smth said frm sumone so far yet so close makes my hart warmth at this hr..
but the funniest thing was that I WAS AT GEYLANG! hahaah... but for supper.
i think geylang's a unique place...
im tired, bcoz i hate to c my blog in this state! so pathetic!
+ ginny's letter made me smile..
I love Wynn.... bcuz she's e only reason i anticipate on opening the DOOR! haha
(i read this over my fren's pic "the reason i smile" v.swet... a pic of her at the background n Him in the foreground)
oki dokie.
driving shall b my next drem. thks for the ride....
first hart-felt..frm note pad.
i realise smth yest...ur hart,ur soul, ur mind and your eyes are all connected.(i know it sounds dumb)when tears flow uncontrollably for hours .. u wondered whats so upsetting...when u just cant sleep .. u wonder if you are really tired.
its like u dont exactly know wad u r feeling..ur bady tells speaks for itself.
this feeling of emptiness above happiness floods over me, its pretty weird.
evry tym i return after those nites i thnk this happens...
i can still recall the few other tyms before.but if im not wrong..
there was one which i did not feel this way...it was the nite i spent with him.
weird. confusing. painful yet amazing
:a woman's heart.
have to write this down before this amazing happy-thing bfor it becums not-so.
+ being acknowledge as a lady in them
+ being looked after by them.. for once i feel like a gurl
+ he did not look beneathe my sleeves..under my clothes...
it was just inside my body... my heart..
he respected me.
+ i was tired, but i was happy
+ i was abit hard on me.. but i think it was very worth it.
+ i smiled when i recieved ur sms.
+ i felt lucky to have them.
+ i've seen very much of a grown man in the few... those matured harts. those ways,
those little movements... under those silly/immature beheaviours. so precious.
+ i love them. the kind of love i treasure. the kind of love i never knew existed.
+ if there was a recorder...a player... a camera... a torch... smth to shine: keep: hold:
+ thanku. it was made worthwhile.
+ i dunno y.. i feel e urge to cry. i think ive found love it many areas.. except there . maybe.
finally:
when i was trying hard to stop them from flowing..she looked in my eyes...
n she teared with me...its so amazing..
she then sat by the bed and cried... turn n look back at me...
lay down and waited for me.
thanku.. mylove...my baby. she's nt just my companion...
she's is someone.
Day1
This thing looks and feels so much complicated then i thought!
haha..
i shal conquer it!!!!
kisses
cinds
