weirdo. unpredictable. whatever
i think its a weird feeling that i behave outta myself.
like a norm.
like a less evil-ler human.
like so normal like so unfeeling.
i can't be sure if its really a cold unfeeling me.
or a evil, harsh cold me already.
or am i like just slicing everything up.
bits n pieces.
like when u don't put them together you don't see the 'crack lines'
or am i just living in a kind of whatever mood.
be nice.
be whatever.
its like;
realised its no point to cry over split milk or ask for any right or wrong.
and well.
slap ur bloody hart for what ever u have gave and feel like a fool for..
i hope its not going to eat me up..
eat my faith for my givings..
i will NOT allow me to..
i reallly can't piece up my emotion
and i couldn't believe with the way i am.
the way i behaved or even the thoughts that ran through me.
seriously..
this post is going NOwhere.
just like me.
or maybe i just want to be a happy me as of the longest i can be.
*
caught this song on teevee..
and i think i used to like this song...
:)
dreams. random.
what does your dreams says?
i know that often it does not or should not mean much.
but i really hate that it reminds me of many.
keep my mind thinking.
makes my thoughts go crazy.
makes me feel lousy.
*
i posted this;
Maturity begins to grow when you can sense your concern for others outweighing your concern for yourself - John Macnaughton
many many times before.
and i have realised why do i love what this quote says.
;there is this 1 quality in people that i hope i will never have to accept in my partner..
Is someone who is unable to put others before himself.
being more then self-centered.
Me stating qualities already.
i never thought there will be such a day!
What has the world become?
HAHA
*
listening to Fish Leong is exactly the kind of mood i have now..
This is reallly nice..
愛情之所以為愛情 by 梁静茹
*
Jolin is still jolin; ilike the tone of her voice..
*
iceSkating~
nice time we had.
love the enthusiasm.
love the effort.
love the smiles.
love the warmth.
love the care.
love the Friendship.
:)
when life is more that what it may bring.
had a really filled week.
busy. tired. occupied. happy. tiny bit disgust.
i really am thankful already!
for the unexpected
for the additional surprise
for the many enjoyable times i still can have.
for the realisation
for the pain
for the love
for the warmth
for the sore on my feet
for the slight aches
for the many smiles
for the many goood times
for my family
for my friends
:)
i can only say;
life is still good so far.
god has been so good to me!
amen~
my baby's day-out
my baby and her kelian look..
she hints me she wants her day-out like everyday~
'wait baby wait.. mummy is REALLY trying to get her license la." OOPs.
she will happily sit up and loooook at u when u say the magic word..
"gai-gai"
decided to bring baby to trim her long nails..
and after which a lil walk.
thou its just down stairs !HAHA.
( a reeealllly cute pup @ the groomer's.
i always have a gd time when i'm at the groomers!
we chit chat and have great conversations!
and.. they always praise my baby... HAHA. cause when she is out..
she is such a gd girl!
proud mummy i am always.)
:)
baby in her bag!
she happily jumps in herself..
YAY~
trimmed nails.. and happily out for a walk..
Happy as can be~
but....
then..
when we got home....
after her bathe and all.....
baby was getttting reallly upset and still wants to go out!!!
she sits by the bag...
almost alll evening..
until...
she falls asleep!
how cute is that?
such a baby~
my sisters and the things we do..
(warning... pictures are not for the fainted heart
and by uploading these pictures.. My life is sure in danger!)
We went for an early bday dinner for dajie..
and guess what we made her do..
"murder the bday cake"
HAHA.
Then we were on the road..
angie started her attempt to "box" me.
(sue was sure glad to be the photographer..
as she was figuring out how to get rid of her Auto-flash..
thus a series of photographs taken..)
then..
"shooooooot" me..
When the rest join in the fun..
her attempt of "murder" did not stop!
But she gave up..
after i made her laugh like an "idiot"
HAHA.
But actually i was trying to take my revenge..
"now the laughter is killing her instead"
Watch her "trying to keep alive"..
HAHA.
Nah.. i Love her (them) still :P
(flash so bright we all end up shutting our eyes..
Sue's failure of figuring out how to de-activate her autoflash in the end! haha.)
My prove of love! :P
2 vainpots.
Btw...
This was how i (we) Sit in the car!
HAHA! HA.
i love my sisters very much.
and of course the front-audience (parents)
(some moron corrected my english.HAHA)
who just can't be bothered with their 4 noisy humans seated behind.. doing dumb things.
i think my mum was pretty entertain la.
but my dad was just frantically looking for a petrol kiosk (like always)
:)
god-sent-love~
reads. that keeps me thinking.
At some point, you have to make a decision. Boundaries don't keep other people out.
They fence you in.
Life is messy.
That's how we're made.
So, you can waste your lives drawing lines.
Or you can live your life crossing them.
But there are some lines...
that are way too dangerous to cross.
You know how when you were a little kid and you believed in fairy tales, that fantasy of what your life would be, white dress, prince charming who would carry you away to a castle on a hill. You would lie in bed at night and close your eyes and you had complete and utter faith. Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, Prince Charming, they were so close you could taste them, but eventually you grow up, one day you open your eyes and the fairy tale disappears. Most people turn to the things and people they can trust. But the thing is its hard to let go of that fairy tale entirely cause almost everyone has that smallest bit of hope, of faith, that one day they will open their eyes and it will come true.
At the end of the day faith is a funny thing. It turns up when you don't really expect it. It's like one day you realize that the fairy tale may be slightly different than you dreamed. The castle, well, it may not be a castle. And it's not so important happy ever after, just that its happy right now. See once in a while, once in a blue moon, people will surprise you , and once in a while people may even take your breath away.
From Grey's Anatomy. (Dr, Meredith Grey)
*
hmph.
my faith. my fairy tale.
my that boundary.
that line.
i guess in life you have gotta have that lil dream.
else i guess i will dry up like the tea-leaves.
dreams and visions of hope and faith.
fairy-tale pictures of what life may bring.
constant envy and belief that there will be the perfect life.
partner. joy.
otherwise,
how could you even smile even when life gets hard?
and again.
reminders that when the Tough Gets Going..
The Toughie SHOULD JUST KEEP ENJOYING!
HAHA. (to burry the shite!)
and again.
how hard can life get?
its far easier already ya!
be grateful.
always.
i try.
:)
me.not.
i lie here and thought.
'which part of the me is the right; me''.
i had my phone in the bathroom with me just now..
like i usually would do..
bath time is a time i really reflect and have thoughts of the days all coming back at me all over again..
and when i heard the sms tone.
i wouldn't imagine myself and the thoughts that ran through me that instance.
then i just left it there lying..
until i picked it up and saw it.
out of my surprise it was.
i tried to pretend i didn't see it.
then another msg came.
and i thought;
"when will one come and make me smile.."
; i rather not have to wait. or pretend. or live on what i have.
and even ask if it is right or wrong. or even the least search my heart deep, or read over n over again at what i text.. i just want to be me. the right me.
am i always never right?
am i always thinking i did right even?
or even think n just fret i make a wrong move.
a wrong impression. a wrong judgement.
a regret or guilt.
hmph..
shake of the trying-me already.
if only i have a me-rule-book.
or maybe just a mirror that allows me to be sure of myself.
if only.
the reason to be 'ding-dong'S
i do not want to make do with what i have.
i want to make the best out of myself.
*
i just want to be able to know.
not wait, nor guess or even for things to happen..
looking back
its just one of those days u plug in an old thumb-drive..
and u stare and wonder whats there is inside..
so i tried to re-organise some things i have done in the past..
yes, because i have been feeling so un-inspired and aimless.
the waiting is killing me.
i do wanna feel useful and able.
everyday.
before i really bid goodbye to the skills i have got from tp and for the years i used it to earn my tad much of pocket $ ever since...
looking back @ some things i've done..
*
(back drops, splash page, e-invite, lanyards..)
i Hart Roadtrips
and yearns for more.
had a great tym with my sisters and naha for a good almost 16hours of non stop EATing, Laughing, Exploring, LAzing and EATing and EATing and EATing.. :P
( we were up @ 5 odd, left at 6am.. drive into msia.
had breakfast @ Danga Bay :) then we headed to Klang, KL, Malacca.
we just drove and drove and EAT n EAT )
main motive was to pick up something from my relatives but we had a wonderful excuse for some simple pleasures of fun as well.
love it when we sing and joked on the road, asked questions, learning malay and mocking @ the road names, checking out the pretty nature and stops by for breaks and snacks...
it reminds me of the road trips my daddy would bring us when i was young, and like the times we travelled up for football matches, short getaway etc..
just like; Naha asked us to Shout 'SHELL" when we see the Shell petrol station as he missed it earlier.. and Sue continued to shout so allll the way even back @ sg. which made us can't stop laughing! :D
to me; the enjoyment of road trips is the experience of being on the move and enjoying the explorations, the simple pleasures of the surroundings.
i really look forward for more road trips.
road trips with my dearest friends please.
(i volunteer to serve the driver, entertain and stay awake! :P)
mybaby
she whines and whines.(and even barks)
; each morn for breakfast, to get out of the room, to wake me up for attention, to help her with the toy that got stuck somewhere, to fix dinner, to pick up the phone or to just rub her head!
i feel no irritation.. (ok sometimes i do!)
but felt the kind of need from someone..
although she is just a dog.
she was holding her lil meat stick,
she keep walking towards the chair, stands up and stares @ me asking me to move the things on the chair away for her to sit. but i just say " ayyy, no baby..!" she then walks away..
but i have done that like 4times already.. now she drops the meat stick and sits by the bed.
if i were to guess, she is pouting. she just wants to have her meat stick on the chair!!
thats my stubborn baby.
but i love her anyways.
:)
upside down. inside out.
i can smile at everything.
i can grouchy at anything.
i can sleep and wake up for everything.
i can dream and dream for nothing.
*
i can wait no more.
*
feels like it has been forever.
very very tired. yet not that tired.
i am weird.
*
give me hug me this morning
and i will willingly go back to bed smiling.
the threesome...
met and dreamt about our next trip.
today.
it was lovely :)
could be better..
so we decided to meet again sooooooooon.....
:P
our carefree EAT Non-stop DAYS!
HAHA.
it is always nice to have memories of lil trips with frens.
its such a fresher air when u are out there.
you just let things be..
all you think about is our itinerary, wad to eat, wad to buy etc!
wad a happy, lazy life.
but i think the best thing is to spend quality time w frens.
out of the busy everyday schedule.
and just make Merry.
laugh @ each other's silly doings.
holidays are of course the best.
and your travel mates doubles the joy.
reminisces :)
the only open Toes girls on the Cold road of hongkong..
the never ending laughter on the streets..
the 1 fake hongkonger, 1 fake taiwanese, 1 fake china ger.
the bed hugging 3 sleeepy ones,
the everyday chase of food,
the shop n shop and overweight baggage,
the spend all the $ girls..
the dream come true friends. :)
till our next escape..
it looks reallly neat!
if only i had my video cam :P
awake.
i just couldn't get myself to sleep.
alil worrying i'd have to admit.
cus,
i thought the battle was badly fought.
but god's grace was amazing.
he made me learnt my mistake there and then.
now i can only leave it to him.
*
the grass is always greener on the other side.
why.why.why
now that i have all the time in the world,
i felt like doing none i did the days before.
weird.
humans.
but i just did some happy things.
and i kept me all awake till now.
wonder why does only happy vibes keep me awake.
and never accounting vibes.
ha.
*
i can't wait already.
and i hope it will be successful.
please don't burst my bubble.
*
i kept playing Lucky on my mac.
loved the tune.
1 month.
i don't wish to waste anymore time, frankly.
and also, butt itch already! :P
how random.
thats the state of my brain now.
*
can i just...
(resort La Playa; krabi..)
(sentosa, this was in 2007)
(AoNang Beach Krabi)
rise & shine, go for breakfast and head for the beach..
anyone?
irony
it is like the last day before i have my final battle.
thou i wouldn't deny it is freaking me out tad much, i still can sit here and blog about it.
i really hope and can't wait to get over it.
it is really a painful thought to know of your own capabilities, laziness, thus the results.
we all just hoped for an easier way out don't we?
but life is not about the easy way out.
it is about learning through the shittiest way.
then you will remember and learn!
ironically true and annoying.
i reallly reeeeeaaaalllllyyyy
Hope that it will be a smooth road this time.
i dare-not think of anything or any other possibilities at all.
seriously.
you should have heard the conversation between me and my dad on our journey home.
i think he is as nervous as i am.
never in my entire school life my parent(s) ever get involve or asks about my grades, school etc.
all they do is wait for me to tell and often have nth much to say about it.
amazed? it has always been the case.
nope, i am never a bright student, but i hardly worries them and probably they do not have expectations on me. lucky? i guess they always have this trust and faith in my own abilities.
but unfortunately, my daddy was actually worried this time.
how i wish i could say that
I Am Sure I Will Make It Thru..
*
lucky.
this is the song in melody chen's blog.
Lucky by Jason Mraz.
a girly version i heard.
Do you hear me talking to you
Across the water across the deep blue ocean
Under the open sky oh my, baby I'm trying
Boy, I hear you in my dreams
Hear your whisper across the sea
Keep you with me in my heart
You make it easier when life gets hard
Lucky I'm in love with my best friend
Lucky to have been where I have been
Lucky to be coming home again
Oooohhhh oohhhh ohh ooohh ooohh oooh oooh
They don't know how long it takes
Waiting for a love like this
Every time we say goodbye
I wish we had one more kiss
I wait for you I promise you, I will
Lucky I'm in love with my best friend
Lucky to have been where I have been
Lucky to be coming home again
Lucky we're in love every way
Lucky to have stayed where we have stayed
Lucky to be coming home someday
And so I'm sailing through the sea
To an island where we'll meet
You'll hear the music, feel the air
I put a flower in your hair
And though the breeze is through trees
Move so pretty you're all I see
As the world keep spinning round
You hold me right here right now
Lucky I'm in love with my best friend
Lucky to have been where I have been
Lucky to be coming home again
Lucky we're in love every way
Lucky to have stayed where we have stayed
Lucky to be coming home someday
*
there are still pretty
love stories like these ya..
listening to this song on her blog just..
make me wanna cry.
weird but its the exact feelings i have.
(i guess my dear yh may feel so as well :) )
*
old tricks.
if you really think i am dumb,
think again.
you just broke my heart once more.
but this time.
i hear no glass shattering.
stop trying to clear it.
it is making it worst.
i am more then exhausted.
exhausted from reminding myself of the you i once loved.
exhausted from answering my own questions.
exhausted from being nice with a glimpse of hope.
exhausted from laughing it away.
learnt.
even if i am wrong this time.
i shall pretend i am right.
right that i should be this pissed.
so that i will not turn back,
not get soft.
not get affected.
not get back to being dumb for anyone.
