backwards..
The journey "backwards" is never easy.
Today I walked the route I've never taken backwards, it felt longer then usual..
This moment, I learnt that the journey "backwards" is going to be tougher then I thought it would be.
We all conclude 2011, I can't help but feel that I'm not ready for 2012.
(written 31.12.11)
This morning, I woke up with a strangest dream.
A dream of someone who stayed in my house/home and decides to leave. Everyone at home thanked him and bid goodbye, some told him that he could stay, others just left him with a warm word of thanks. Amazingly, him and I find that he've never been here physically but we've been in touch in other ways and it's been closer then being here.
some things unknowingly integrates into our daily life/ routine...
(... to be continued..)
I wonder..
.. If such joys are worth the pains after ..
I made it sound like I already know and foresee pain.
Like when you were little and love those monkey-bars but it gives you blisters after.. I remember those times I even had trouble writing after. But I still returned to the bars until I eventually stopped. But I couldn't remember what made me stop.
But I never measured it's worthiness then.
X
As grumpy and annoying as he can be... He is still indeed the only man on earth I can depend on and will go the extra mile as much as he can..
"Thank you, Daddy..."... Alright you can have 1 carbonated drink Tmr! :P
Overflowing love. Over-flowing thoughts about love.
Attended the 6th and final wedding of the year.
Yes, I witnessed 6 love commitments in 6 different ways. Some the most romantic, others simple, mostly with their own personality.
Unsure why but the feeling is exceptionally different tonight. I was definitely happy for today's couple and it was indeed one of the most complete wedding of all 6 I attended.
My mind and heart was trying to feel the love and warmth of this earth on my journey home (which usually it does) but it didn't. Instead I was confused. With the word love and everlasting happiness and what weddings meant.
A dear fren sat next to me with his gf this evening, when she asked for hot tea from the waiter, my fren took her tea cup and gobbled down the remaining cold tea. (yes it took me 3secs to realized he wanted her to have a fresh hot cup).
At that moment I thought that was love.
The groom's speech and the video clip of their vows; that was love.
The refreshed memories of some I knew and has plans for marriage; that was love.
Thoughts and felt of a hand holding moment and a peck on the forehead...
I guess; love only means love when it's true to oneself. Love stories can be told a lifetime and you can witness love a hundred times over. Get your heart melted and broken all over and over..
I am truly confused. But I believe that this moment, I do not know you yet love. And I finally realized that as much as you wan a perfect wedding, you actually wan perfect love. Because only true and perfect love will shine through oneself, above all that ceremonial formalities..
"Hello December..
.. you are here again.it seem like it was just not long ago that you left!
You always make me feel overwhelmed and emotional with joy and everything else.
Yes, you are an amazing month; and you surely come and go really quickly that i often couldn't enjoy/ experience you thoroughly.
It is my second December in my current job. and my third December being in the real world.
and; my first December feeling that i should be accomplishing something bigger or moving on somewhere/ some stage of my life.
I can't say I'm not happy but i can't say i'm doing very well. But December, you make you think and try to stop for awhile. but very soon you leave and i'll be trying to tidy up with January.
December, December.. if you can, please grade me for the year.
tell me what's good to stay and what's meant to go.
what's to be worked on, what's to be fixed.
what's there to seek, what's there to pursue.
what's to change and what's to improve.
if you may, please stay a little longer for me to tidy myself and savor you as well..
.."
Unimaginably short.
It happened and it ended.
The long and handwork then result just came and left. It's like in a blink of an eye. I didn't know why but satisfaction was way short-lived then I ever thought it would be. Excitement barely kept me glad for long. Praises was unsought for.
I kindof knew why. I kindof am still searching for the answer. I'd like to treat it as another growing up lesson in life.
Envy.
Am I greedy or I always convince myself with the least?
I guess you'll never know. But god had his plans, so I shall not doubt.. I really shouldn't, not even to question on ask for more right?
That's life isn't it?
I guess the eyes of envy often gives u such, and all you need is to smack yourself alil. It's only in your own eyes that's what's the least can become something satisfying ya~
