Taste
Each time I get to experience a taste of the reeelworld, I wonder how fortunate or unfortunate I am.
Knowing it all, given the opportunity to taste it should give me greater exposure and wants. But knowing the limitations just makes me breathe harder. I wonder which end i am at.
these felts just makes me qs myself: "if I'm fit to be" in this industry. Or, if it suits me well to excel and never grow sick of.
Well, tasting it today over a 3hr session just keep me thinking. But; I can sum up in 2 kiddy lines:
1."a pantry recep bigger then my office space"..
2."I know it here and there yet not having capacity to exercise it".
I refuse to think professionally, because I often experience the otherwise..
It's another day! Poooof!!!!!
Today i was told;
that I am beginning to have a relationship with "Albert"... Bloodyhell!
:)
Today is thanksgiving Day!
Although we don't celebrate it here, somewhere in the other side of the world is giving thanks to all the good that has been given :)
sometimes you don't realise how you live your life.
you know.
i can go on and on and blabber.
i can live with all the ignorance i have.
i can live like a cheery fruit, like a blooming flower.
i also can like like a bitter bud, flowerless and never growing.
the above is a picture of my mummy's cooked chrysanthemum.
it has became herbal tea.
but in my eyes i think it still looks really pretty.
because it has become a useful flower.
but i also love the texture under the water.
i know i am weird.
but i am trying to comfort myself.
that in every ugly situation and bitter emotion,
there will be a pretty sight.
most importantly at least there is something to look forward for.
a turning point. a lil hope.
well,
more likely it is just me.
i feel like i can no longer wait for my happy spark of hope.
or my lil turning point of anything that will make me look forward for.
or fill me whole.
let me see how irritating and crappy i can go on for.
call me the noisy fruit.
or the "sales" person.
-_-"
i dunnnnnnnnno what i just wrote.
and i thought
i'd have some satisfaction.
i thought..
but i guess i know why.
*
你在哪里？
-
Needy
Despite the happy felts and thankfulness I had last night, I'm unsure why I wakeup feeling un-whole" (if there's even such a word)..
It's alittle like how much effort I put into Xmas launch and yet seeing it just gives me a least felt of satisfaction. It ain't within my control, it ain't satisfactory within my expense. But my efforts fought to complete the least. Which I hope I did.
But the direct physical and emotional me now seemed even more un-complete.
Why?
Job = external
Emotion = internal
I hate to admit a girls Needs... Sometimes self comfort don't last you till morning...
Why
?
Greener view on the other side
Tasting life both ways..
The noisy morning with bustling kids and parents.. = crowded buses
Quiet morning, empty walkway = ackward silence and gloomy felts
*
felt the harsh truth about being a woman.
So much of the other species, they either make you feel safe or the direct opposite.
Wanted to be independent and always thought I'm capable of, but once and again I'm put into situations feeling helpless and made to bow down to the circumstances...
Had a taste of both worlds! Neither ideally done.
When I'm one side I thought I'd fare better at the other.
Did God made us this way to balance both species? If so, how should I live in the current?
If only there's a clearer rule book.
Post Created 17-Nov-2010 AM 05:10:12
寻找着一个安定、不与害怕的心情，依赖，照顾。
为什么， 让心定和不安的都是同一类？
ohlovelyphotography.
and this picture was accompanied by;
""When you do things from your soul, you feel a river moving in you, a joy."
~ Mawlana Jalal-al-Din Rumi"
:) the beauty of capturing great moments!
i await my river moving in me.....
Monday lil felts
God is fair.
I always endup with tons of neverending work to do, always made to work late..
but I'm blessed to have a daddy that occasionally fetches me. previously, I also was blessed to have a someone that occasionally fetches me, he at times had to camp in the car-gaming till I knock off..
imagine if I never had such, I'd be bitter and wont be as positive as today!
Yup, dad just fetched me and i asked him to drive over to the next street fr me to grab a crave at subway, he hardly says no to such requests.. :) feeling thankful and happy..
but....in a split second
I'm having a change of mood! Despite his ways, I really can't stand my dad's grumbles (menapause) and I'm ignoring him and writing this.
I'm not spoilt right?
ok, gone alil outof point...
i need a manicure,i need a pedicure,
i need a body scrub,
i need a new wardrobe,
i need to swim,
i need to jog,
i need a tumbler,
i need a new j**,
i need to sleep...
pieces of broken thoughts.
Muse.*
read on a fren's fb:
Sometimes in love you must accept the fact that what makes the person you cared about happy might on the other hand leave you so lonely.
felt that it also meant, how one's muse can lead to another's upsets.
but true enough that every individuals feelings, actions and thoughts really is different and often affects others unknowingly...
*
this tiring life cycle.
and i piece that i do not belong to the normal set of people i always thought i'd be.
but, i shall not question.
let it be, let it come.
just that the more i tried not to question,
lil lil thoughts coming flying in..
and; it even comes tapping on my dreams.
i am really weird.
thefurrylilthing
my baby. like a baby.
I need a pat on my back and a reward for being a gd girl...
for going to the dentist...
ok, shudup shudup..
... it's only the dentist...
happy silly "gd news"
like my snr witch's encouragement to me sometime back...
I felt really good when the dentist says ".. all your teeth are fine.."
:D fixed my final problem tooth and I'm all good... I seriously wanted to smile wide and kiss someone with my numbed lips! (I was a wimp, I took a jab for fillings) my eyes was close throughout! and my dentist would assure me like a daddy figure :) it was a kind of silly joy...
after, I bought the baby (wynn) to the vet. after mentioning her taking panadol(kids) the vet scared me crazy saying how it harms her kidneys and with 41dgs high fever she may be very ill!
blood tests (took 3rounds of blood) ice pack her.. an hr ltr (my lips still numb) vet says... "she's very healthy infact, all clear! just alil sugar high.." :D wallet burnt, but heart warmth up aplenty. had a conversation w another 12yrold jrt owner, she's on drip being vomitted fr 2days and very obese..
;our pets, our babies, our oldies..
another day. a pretty filled one thou~
:)
age felts.
im at the Dentist now.
amazingly, im calmer then ever! after visiting the Gyneacologist months before, i suddenly felt that i can overcome anything!
The Dentist; was one of my greatest fear of all my years having my set of teeth!
I remembered crying overnight at pri1 convincing my mum to allow me to not-join the school's dental scheme. which my mum did, she even wrote a letter to excuse me! (becus I was never a crybaby and I scared tge sh*t outta my mum that night) HAHA.
ok, I'm still alil gittery but reminding myself of the kind dentist I visited 2wice prior to today, it's good ya! breathe~
just Do what's needed to be done right?
hmph!
selfie knowledge
G.S commented that I think "differently" from others. I think an extra step parallel to the usual. not further but parallel.. but he once mentioned I have paralax error...
hmmm......
means?
:P
Monday anger.
I really wonder; if i am being too much of a "yes" person at work. I just wanted to do all that I could, I admit that I wanna prove my competence. but it truly is killing me.
my own making.
but yet, I am so not someone that likes to hear the sound of "no".
what's the best way to work right?
or even live right.
witness another love affair.
Yep, i attended another wedding today.
it's more of another family wedding.
The Groom and i were Matron and Maid of Honor for my sister's wedding years back.
we sort-of braved through our speeches and the whole day together :)
having dated for 7 years, i see him and his wife pretty often for family dinners, cny etc..
Like all weddings, theirs was pretty grand and nice.
wedding band, lovely ambiance..
i can go on and on..
but my fav part of the wedding was their speeches.
actually there were no acts or performances..
instead, there were speeches from friends, siblings and the couple themselves.
and it all caught me listening and smiling inside out.
how lovely~
Love.
this lil thing call love.
*
Post Created 07-Nov-2010 AM 03:17:29
if u could cuddle me to sleep in my stench of beer. I'll smile and sleep with everything aside.
did I say i'm weird and horrible?
I really hate to beg sleep with a running mind.
i'm beyond help.
but I think my Bo** is worst, her email came 20mins ago. thanks and no thanks.
PH
sometimes I wonder,
what my life revolves around.
often you meet ppl's life revolving around;
family, career, love, ambition etc..
I kindof can't piece mine.
Family; that's part of me. belongs to my mum&dad.
Career; had a moment of glory but for a spilt second it died down.
Love; ...
well, is this the mid 20s kindof cross road emotion search?
oh Friday~
oh skin~
now I know why ppl spend $ on spa, skin rejuvenation, facials, manicures (ok I admit my pleasure here) etc etc..
Because in this scary society, time seems so little that you have no time to even do a bodyscrub & moisture :( all u wanna do is to do "nothing" when you get home! I feel old, unloved and fugly with dry skin, ugly nails and a aching shoulder!
no! no! no!
I need to be discipline!... (until I earn bigger bucks) then I shall get "professional" pamperings~
or; should there be such "activities"
hur hur~
*
I'm happy becus it's "Friday"
I'm frightened becus Xmas is here and my schedule @wrk runs on mission impossible! .....booooooooooo~
madness madness :)
reminder. relearn..
i shall not procrastinate..
for every path I take, god has his reasons.
and all I need to do, is to give it a good shot.. do what I can and leave it to him.
right?
*
feel like sitting by a pretty place.
hear and feel assurance and warmth and giggle like a kid..
my HR (mummy like) colleague called me "Cindy baby" yesterday. gave me alil
chill, but I smiled and had the strangest felts.
Monday
ain't the best day of a week.
I need a new thermal mug, I threw mine out of anger while packing for the move.
I need a new table mate at work, the super new one smirks, sings and annoy me totally.
I need a new schedule, the one I have is impossible to meet.
I need new wants and dreams, the current daily dos and living will soon eat me "out".
maybe I need a new me.
because it seems to endup in situations like these, it's e 2nd in a row... and I'm still almost "fresh".
totally dislike a grumbling working me.
Monday should never exisit.
everyday should be Friday.
*
to weep is to make less the depth of grief.
- Shakespeare
now I know. maybe big cries are healthier then swollowing tears.
lesser calorie intake and water retention? ~
