I'm on my way back from a visit to a art showcase collaboration by 3 designers/ artist in sg n japan. I was w my boss and our inhouse designer. (coincidentally she's a few yrs my senior frm e same DES school)
It was pretty a simple outing but we were late n missed out meeting impt ppl. Well I had a saporo beer and shaked some hands. Most importantly I was out w ppl at work.
In the end I had a walk w the designer and we chatted. I'd say she's a true blue designer. It wasn't awkward but we are different. I'm clearly the least artsy. She asked me a qs that I cldnt answer: "'what do you wanna become?" I ended up asking if she's what she wanted to be..
Dreams. Reality. Ideals. Capability.
I've learnt to see that some shoes are too big to fit. No matter how hard u peservere or hope to be or hope to have, it may never come. Because that's life. I hope I'm not expressing negatives, bcus I'm totally in terms with it.
But, if no dreams existed, won't life be shallow?
Humble dreams and humble hopes. Live wad we own proper. Maybe that's good enough. At least fr today.
" I want to be happy; in my own skin, my life, my pains, my heart n mind'. I want to be a lovable daughter, friend, partner"
Tired sleepless night. But I'm still wide awake! Cld smell e ppl at my blk cooking!!! Haha..
Anyways, i was stuck" watching Flash Forward on ch5, great show, managed to stopped at epi5. Need e sleep.
The show is about; on this particular day, the whole world had e vision of 2mins&smth flash forward of their future! And it's never been e same again! No1 knew if it was true, some lived differently, others fight to prevent etc. Imagine the kids, the world.. (will be watching on!)
I wonder how indifferently I'd live if I had a glimpse of my future?
I guess it may not be a good idea to have known e end even before u experience it, u tend to lose e whole process of experiencing it whole heartedly right ?
I managed to wrap up this wk01 w much satisfaction n glad-ness in work. The real work that is, I'm pretty happy abt wad I do! :) I honour my responsibilities n jobs ataken. N I totally love e freshness of where I begin! But, trust me, there is no perfect job.
I'm learning each day to overcome picking bitterness of the nitty grittles of e other areas, culture difference n interpersonal relationships. I ask fr a change, so how can I complain? Still keeping my hopes afloat ya.
But e ironic bitterness is; y do I still sleep n wakeup feeling; Short changed/ incomplete and empty?
What's the missing piece?
It's Saturday. And I am being a womenly girl all morning...
Trust me, I'm not exactly excited. Thanks fr the wakeup calls!
I chased e train, I frgot my earpiece.
And a smile came after I read this MSG frm snr witch! -> "Is it day one today?! I'm so excited for you, ms foo! :) if msn is allowed, i promise to spend $5 at muji this week! " - HAHAHA!
everyone writes a story uniquely theirs. what's yours?
*
All of these lines across my face Tell you the story of who I am So many stories of where I've been And how I got to where I am But these stories don't mean anything When you've got no one to tell them to It's true...I was made for you
I climbed across the mountain tops Swam all across the ocean blue I crossed all the lines and I broke all the rules And baby I broke them all for you Oh because even when I was flat broke You made me feel like a million bucks You do and I was made for you
You see the smile that's on my mouth It's hiding the words that don't come out And all of my friends who think that I'm blessed They don't know my head is a mess No, they don't know who I really am And they don't know what I've been through like you do And I was made for you...
All of these lines across my face Tell you the story of who I am So many stories of where I've been And how I got to where I am Oh but these stories don't mean anything When you've got no one to tell them to It's true...I was made for you Oh yeah and its true, that I was made for you
* if i could, i'd really wanna lay my story straight.. in chapters, in bold, in finale and episodes. and not; await for the unknowing and shiver..
I read msgs of thanks n misses halfawake, wokeup w my mummy sitting by my bed having a hilarious conversation w my dog n sisters, had a piece of yummy 年糕mum made fr bro inlaw n went lunch w sis! Now going med checkup n brow trimming.. Will end my day w sum shopping in shorts n birkies I am today!
I didn't get the chance to say gdbye to many that's at match today, few caught me whilst at wrk. I was still hesitant to break the news, but it travelled. N made me really bu-she-de!!'
Life isn't it. Tmr's the day.
I'm very late fr tennis but it's worth it.. Those food, handshakes n smiles will be kept :)
For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind. Timothy II 1:7
* conversations of the earlier set me reinforced of my hope and determinations to live right，but trust me right after which, disturbance of doubt and uncomfort came.
For all the right reasons I shall be awake and face e fact of harsh reality. Practicality and swollow with no fear or doubt.
Why do I often need reinforcement of reasons/ excuses?
I kept recalling the bits of yesterday and wonder if I was being overly me. The painter of perfection in the outside. One that may cause hurt to others. But after the mind run through, I'm just glad I had that heavy&warm hand on my shoulder at that point, he made mefelt well. Thanks E. ;) I always knew u took me like a close one fr we few have close minds. I'm thankful. Mostly, happy fr the sights of happiness I saw n felt. Changes of the well. But; I still don't know if I did the right thing thou.
..and felt that I have no say or control in my everyday. Although it rained and washed the dust n dirt, it left with the dampy floor and left over dirt which was here since before.. The sun never left, it stayed but did not give way to the clouds, thus it made new dust and dirt..
God sent me a hug, a hope, a lil sweet this morn. I'm keeping my bitterness og yesterday because I feel very loved my him!
He showed me a lil light of encouragement and made me faced my fear!
Amen!
Even if I do not go through tmr, I feel very loved already.
I hate to say this but I really hate to be such a wimp! A baby!!!!! & iPhone is making me blog so conviniently it's flooding my blog w emo complains of me!
I should have known, selfish thoughts of your ideals.
It's been tad long, I kept the real word of giving up. And when I did, you made me realize why I had to keep it in pain for as long, because saying it out hurts more.
I need none of your harsh ways to make me grow up already, it's making me respect you less.
I feel that I'm baring my own mistake. A mistake of the unsightly. Yet, I feel no warmth in correcting it.
Alone in this space, and all I can feel is my tears.
I am not speaking a word of it to u ever. I will correct my life for my own sake.
