when i mean what i say:: June 2009

thoughts of today.

its amazing how emotions come and go.

how one can smile and be calm one moment..

tear and shiver next..

i am surprised by that human reaction myself.

as much as we wanna know what we should do..

we wanna know what will happen if we don't or do.

call that curiosity,

call that itchy backside.

call that humanly,

call that emotions.

my sister asked me a question today;

"are you happier w/o ..."

i replied her with things i am very sure of.

"she said is it more freedom?"

i replied her with thoughts that i know,

i know i am more then willing to give up my freedom for something worthily sure/whole.

because it has nth to do with freedom, or anything in particular.

but as a whole.

;Don't look on the outside.

sometimes.

we don't weight happiness on pictures, daily doings, activities or even richness of the pockets.

but the filled heart and warmth soul.

i believe that love will find its way.

and i seek for a love that i find no reason to ask for anything i have to exchange or give up on,

but looking forward, live on and grow on with more then smiles.

*

if only

my sweet dog

my dog is realllly annoyingly cute.

was home all day today (finally)

thou i felt that it weren't enough.

because i didn sleep well either,

woke up n sleep so many times.. with my lappie on.

i think i have gone mad.. doing work being half awake! HAHA

but the angry end was to not have any satisfaction out of it. but well, life is never smooth sailing.

anyways.

was talking about my sweet dog.

i think she was the happiest being knowing i am home!

she followed me.. slept near me..

bug me to play with her..

she actually got almost all the toys she could find.. one by one laid it next to me and started making whinny noises! haha.. and i was holding onto my hp to reply a sms.. so i snapped that magical moment! :D

:)

i guess thats so much enough for being loved and wanted by another!

*

i so would like to talk about the overwhelming love i got turing a year older..

but i would very much like to make collages or smth of it! i shall soon

第一個清晨

heard a girlie version of this.

fell for it right away.

:)

sharing dusk .. dawn before the world wakes up with someone..

i thought that moment is magically romantic~

the additional candle on the cake.

This was in 2008, i turned 23.

i had a polka dot gift from june then..

(did that sparked my birthday polka dot fetish? hmmm..)

a yummy cheese cake with words i'll always remember..

Today i turned a year older.

i had a surprise from all my loves yesterday.

i feel more then loved.

as much as i did not anticipate birthdays

and growing older then i used to in the past..

i think i had a sweet time yesterday..

because it was coated with the kind of love

i was showered with in my 24years of living.

i was reminded that my life is more then blessed this very day..

(my mother just walked in and made me drew 4 no.s for 4D, HAHA)

My family;

i remembered all my bday parties when i was younger...

my sisters;

they just loved doing all those stuffs..

thou i'm this old already.

they never fail to make me feel like their baby :)

my parents;

my daddy always never fail to go the extra mile for me(my sisters)

heard that he was looking for hapybd song yest! haha..

i recall him looking for a disco light thingy

when my 2nd sis had her 21st bd party then..

thats the kind of enthusiasm i inherited.

My mummy and her humble hardworking self as always..

i love them so very much.

my friends;

those i really grew up with.

rui msg me smth about the love we all have for each other

despite the distance we have.

yes my dear.. the love we all share and grew on.

some of my inter-crisscross girlfrens really see each other once a yr!

thou each year i kind of evaluate the misses and opportunities

i get to find a good excuse to meet up with all my friends,

i do get misses and disappointments. but often i get that extra warmth,

i woke up with overwhelming warmth this morn.

:)

(that "view" i had when i opened the door yesterday..

ms kek; that was priceless too.. :P )

friendships are the extra coat of warmth i carry with..

and it never fails to keep me feeling warmth and loved.

ME;

i am turning older at a age i would imagine being at somewhere greater then i am.

thou many would say that it is still a young age

but i guess everyone hopes to go the faster route, time waits for no one.

this cross road, this age, this change, this current me.

i wish and look forward for what god has in stored for me.

and i also hoped that he is happy with

what i have done for the 24 years of living :P

*

today,

i smile for who i am and who i have around me.

:)

a song.

could't remember who sent me this song..
heard in on my mp3 on the way to work..
and i'd love to sing it like i mean it :)
*
Breakaway
by Kelly Clarkson

Grew up in a small town
And when the rain would fall down
I just stared out my window
Dreaming of what could be
And if I'd end up happyI would pray (I would pray)

Trying hard to reach out
But when I'd try to speak out
Felt like no one could hear me
Wanted to belong here
But something felt so wrong here
So I pray (I would pray)
I could breakaway

[Chorus:]
I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly
I'll do what it takes til' I touch the sky
I'll make a wish Take a chance Make a change
And breakaway
Out of the darkness and into the sun
But I won't forget all the ones that I loved
I'll take a risk
Take a chance Make a change
And breakaway

Wanna feel the warm breeze
Sleep under a palm tree
Feel the rush of the ocean
Get onboard a fast train
Travel on a jet plane, far away (I will)
And breakaway

[Chorus]
Buildings with a hundred floors
Swinging around revolving doors
Maybe I don't know where they'll take me but
Gotta keep moving on, moving on
Fly away, breakawayI'll spread my wings
And I'll learn how to fly
Though it's not easy to tell you goodbye
I gotta take a risk
Take a chance
Make a change
And breakaway
Out of the darkness and into the sun
But I won't forget the place
I come from
I gotta take a risk
Take a chance
Make a change
And breakaway, breakaway, breakaway

family. relatives

just got back from a simple impromptu BBQ with my mum side's family.

(and we thought it was one of the kid's bd.. but actually not!)

it was simple and enjoyable.

like always.

i wouldn't deny, i am really tired.

but the company was great.

:)

my so-call, aunts and uncles;

were the ones that saw us growing up.

i spent weekends at their homes.

my grand aunty was like my mum's 2nd mother.

her children were like my biggg bros&sisters..

i remember them bringing me out when they were dating!!!

even on cny trips to collect extra ang pows! :P

..but now they are all married and their kids are all grown la!!

today we were sitting down n chatting amongst ourselves like adults.

sipping beer/wine... H2o, sarsi.. Eating grapes, chicken wings, satay...

and their children running around and all.

it was really something.

especially to me.

i think i am really a grown up now.

thou in their eyes still i am the younger bunch but in other areas.. an adult.

it is very different from my dad's side where i am and will always be the baby of the family..

and the thing i enjoyed most was seeing them as a big family, siblings, partners, children...

all together and all well..

they enjoy the simplest things as a family.

; like when the wine-cork was too dry that it fell into the bottle..

we almost wanted to filter it with socks! haha.. but in the end my uncle used a cup which he poked holes in.

its warmer then the weather i'd say! haha.

reminds me of the gd old times we had at my grandaunt's lil house..

this special home we loves to gather in...

it was abit like CNy.. but nt exactly..

we should really do this more often~

its nice~

i feel very much all grown up today.

*

on the side note.

one of my aunt asked me where's my bf..

i said: " i'm single already"

she laughed and replied: "i know ah, i today also single.."

I REALLY wondered if she thinks i am kidding or wad..

then she say.. " oh u got rid of ur slug today.." she joked!

and i said.. "i really am single la.."

then the Food came.

HAHA.

but its alright.

but it sure made me wanna laugh.

remembering on my 21st bday.. :) the girlie batch/some of them and their children!

*

if only..

i had the prettier picture in me.

if i had the right you.

i would be telling you stories of them..

and them telling you stories of me..

and me picturing us in due time...

like simple humans..

like happy humans..

not extravagant..

but just in berms, tees.. chatting somewhere..

with kids, family all around by the table and everywhere in smiles..

stumbled upon;

" Don't make someone a priority if you are only an option to them."

:ouch-

i am tired.

of making decisions.

of having responsibilities.

of having to remind myself.

of being strong.

of having to please the world.

of having to make sure i do enough for each area.

i am really tired already.

can i just be lazy, be unhappy, be irresponsible,

be unworthy, be unloved, unliked, be hated.

god forgive me.

i am really tired.

no matter how much i sleep..

stop it.

stop doing what u know eats me up.

tie me up someone.

tie my mind, heart, soul, hands, legs.

cover my ears, my eyes..

get lost.

why do i always give way to it.

it is my own doing.

again.

i no longer know what is right or wrong.

my dearest ger

just reminded me that it was a good choice and i am all good now.
she said it with a super cheeky smile.

but i sat down and asked; "Why do i always need reminders?" ; when have i become so un-certain of what i should be clearest of.. and beliving so...

where is the me that is sure of myself?

on a sidenote..

*yesterday...some moron gave me a chop on the hand and told me i was reborn! HAHA.

i'm blabbering nonsense..
i think i'm Sleep-deprive.....
but I AM SLEEP DEPRIVE! hahaha...

-skiving habit picked-up-

dun test me.

why in the world does men like to scream their way thru.

i hate it when i fall asleep and have to wakeup with much to do.

i am not complaining, but i hate it when i get screamed at.

i am extra emotional as well.

shouting does not solve anth.

or should i say using lame excuses to scream at someone over another.

why is it that ppl that love u more tend to hurt u most.

sometimes i really do not understand this point.

i don't think that doing things the hard way and seeing things your point will make me follow.

yes i am stubborn, but i learnt that i should be and there is nothing wrong with it.

i am afraid that i do not think that i have done anth wrong.

if you have forgotten that my stubbornness only applies in areas that pushes my principles.

and the rule i hold onto myself.

and i am a grown up.

i hate to be judge at.

i was taught that i can raise my head up as long as i did not do anth against my principles.

recall how much i can hold my tears and get my point straight since i was a lil girl.

it even brought me to the principal's office then.

because i knew i did not do anth wrong.

and i only cried buckets after the whole incident ended and i was back in my own room.

don't test me.

anyone.

and i just realised its not only you.

i don't want to admit that it still makes my pillow moist.

tuuuueeesssday.

mornings like these..

its not even mid week yet. but i feels like its thursday! HAHA. yes i hope.

Was at the airport to see coolman off for his aussie land studies. I saw his lil struggle and nervousness walking into the gates. his mum's misses looking @ him.. his frens smiles and well wishes everywhere. (also caught lil goodbyes of hugs n kisses at the gates of strangers..) It reminds me of the many times in the past when we sent Jw, Lm, Xw and Hy away.. i remembered we had tears. HAHA. but i also recalled wanting to put myself in the same situation then, my lil dream, my that lil want.. and the many reasons then..

it has been awhile.

i look @ myself this instant and wonders what things would be different? I guess i will never know ya.

If only.

but i think i am fine still~

i told coolman; "god has a plan for all of us"

and i can't wait for mine..

(i wrote this @ wrk.. :P)

if there is something call aftermath.

i am not sure if that was the right thing to do.

but on my journey back i realised that what i did may have made me felt better infact.

i thought and had many flash backs.

that looks on their faces.

the third party position.

i wouldnt deny i felt the cold chills all over me.

my hands my heart.

and how i earn for a lil warmth suddenly...

i felt guilty actually.

because this has nothing to do with anyone else.

so why did i have to cause them such awkwardness.. i thought.

i had thoughts about maybe i shld have swollowed and hid myself alil,

then there will be no awkwardness for others..

why getting n creating the unnesss.. i know i am capable of swollowing it myself.

but again, i suddenly realised that on the other hand, the new member of the grp shld will soon feel the comfort, because i may have proven and given the sign that i am out of the picture and she is in..

i know its like my kind of consolation.. but i am being frank..

hmph.

what ever it is.. its done. anyway..

then i stopped and asked.

why even go read so much into it.

why.

i realised it is no longer a game.

it is no longer a phase.

it has become an emotion,

a thought, a concern..

and plenty of care and relationship kind of emotion all over.

i am putting him out of the picture.

because i am no-longer wanting to evaluate him, his position, his rights or wrong..

as i have decided and its about time i leave him to my memory box with much smiles instead.

i really do not know how and what to feel.

and have realised i have became more then less feeling.

i am not sure if it is a good thing.

but i also know that the words of my frens to give me tad assurance to do what i did earlier was because they stood at my perspective.. just like what the others stood @ his.

i should smile and feel for the cares of the human heart ya.

its more then over.

i am already toughening up..

and being more then selfish and cold.

forgive me. myself. if i am more selfish.

sorry.

nite.

music for the heart n mind and Bed Time. sometimes.

came across this song somewhere..

sounds good..

and i wanted very much to understand this beautiful cantonese piece more thoroughly ..

but im abit toooo sleeepy now :P

till next tym..

七友 - 梁漢文

*

others :)

stephy & alex

好心好报 Hao Xin Hao Bao - ·½立申，邓丽欣 Alex Fong, Stephy Tang

好好恋爱 Hao Hao Lian Ai - 方力申，邓丽欣 Alex Fong, Stephy Tang

Alfred & Chang Zai Xin :P

Sum Ling (心領) - Raymond Lam, Linda Chung

*

實情 - Bernice Liu 廖碧兒

分手 - Bernice Liu

triumph in the skies (theme) - eason chan

Finding You In Loving Memory - Raymond Lam

*

all these are making me wanna watch a nice cantonese drama....

*

just 1 cheena one.. :)

but still with the shadows of cantonese-y

明天以後(After Tomorrow/Mandarin feat.Vincy Chan) - Raymond Lam

*

nites.

dream job.

If there is something call a dream job,
i would have to say i have sent my resume to my Dream working area.
Don't laugh because it is not some huge n famous organisation..
neither one thats super good for my future in the Name area of the co. that will often blow others away.

mine's..
our very own Zoological Gardens.
yes, The ZOO.

i just couldn't help it.
i love our zoo.
i love animals, wildlife.. and i'm always proud of it.
(the excitement i'll have when animal planet introduces it.)

recalling the whole big confirmation why i pick the zoo.
i was helping my boss go thru the HUGE piles of resumes then..
u shld imagine the amnt of humans expressing their LOVE for Football.
going thru all those.. resumes.. etc etc.

and i stopped and asked myself.
whats my dream job?
loved to work in a magazine co. advertising..tv.. cna.. etc..
dream dream dream yes..
but i reflect on myself.
my skills i have and also the Qs..
if so, marketing,, adv n promo..
who and where would u wanna do it for?
(passion comes, with interests it Grows...)
:)

always a fan of the zoo.
their website ofcus..
latest news, events.. careers.
They haven't had an opening for the area i sought for in almost 2yrs?
(yes, i have been deligently visiting it..)

i am so blessed
it came.
just came.

and i have sent my application.

Pray for me.

(cus...just found some defects' of my self written resume&coverletter, regrets and guilt. crossing fingers.)

steals @ wrk

am reading Today's Christian Women @ wrk..
and came across this..

1 Corinthians 2:9

"No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love him."

*

Ephesians 3:20

"immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine"

*

Gifted: 1. endowed with great natural ability, intelligence, or talent 2. revealing special talent.

We have different gifts, according to the grace given to each of us. If your gift is prophesying, then prophesy in accordance with your faith; if it is serving, then serve; if it is teaching, then teach; if it is to encourage, then give encouragement; if it is giving, then give generously; if it is to lead, do it diligently; if it is to show mercy, do it cheerfully. (Romans 12:6-8)

The good news about this week?s to-be word is that you already are gifted.

All qouted from: todayschristianwoman.com

:) :) :)

me&my.time

My Remote Control.

My ever Unglam Shorts.

My Couch.

My Laze.

My Dog.

My TIME.

and Everything Mine.
suddenly;

all stops.

and your mind spins.

what's next?

wheres everything?

*

june's

as lovely as the place was.

sventies & hsuan are as always.

happy birthday june dear~

*

can some1

teach me to grow.

teach me to learn.

teach me to get real.

teach me to be brave.

teach me to be stronger.

teach me to get comfortable.

teach me to wake up my idea.

teach me to listen to mymind.

teach me to not follow blindly.

teach me to be more then independent.

teach me to have more then what it takes.

teach me to bring out me again.

teach me to un-grouch.

teach me to stop dreaming already..

;but i really can't help it at times..

saw this ever lovely photo from:

credits: http://www.lightedpixels.com/ - Kevin

i am adoring him, his works..

it's really pretttty.. and dreamy.

spin spin.

love love.

lovely.

man. lady. nature. love. (even) dog.

if only.

i was told...

i may be Killed..

putting these pictures up..

HAHAHA..

but i couldn't help it..

i just got them FRESH from my cousin's cam..

and it is cracking me up!

we were that bored on the bus ride for the tour.....

and we decided to make a collection of the fUgliesT Face of the cousins...

i swear i did not reserve any...

i was the 1st to go..

but i didn't expect them to be that Gd at this! HAHA.

my cousin's cam collection got the weirdest, prettiest and ugliest pictures..

W.T.H

*

it brightens up my FLY-Day for sure!

:D

*

joke of the day..

we gave cousin melissa a new Chinese name @ dinner..

melissa = 买来杀~

HAHA.

how evil we are.

its in the blooood.

but it sure made me laugh till i had tears la..'

ok.. tears was also from my painful throat when i laughed too hard!

:P

gdweeeekend ahead...

finally.

AMEN!

thats what my sister replied me when i told her i managed to clear my accnts module.

FOREVER!

:)

yup yup. yup!

but frankly.. i didn feeeel that much of a joy.

i seriously am not sure y.

more of a relieve maybe..

and maybe.. its been dragged too long..

or i am alil too ill this morn..

or when the day comes... i will be :)

but still..

i thank god very much for it!

coolman says.. 1 more officially unemployed.

:P evil.

but i felt the happiness from some around me :)

grateful i am.

*

i hate sorethroats.

i can't talk as much as i want.

i can't laugh as much as i want ( ok i stil do )

i can't be more bothered with myself. ( i become messsier n untidy - m alrdy)

tsk.tsk.

*

the conversation was disturbing.

i think i did crap

wads wrong with me.

jo says that she believes that there will be a right job for each of us..

just like a bf! :) and i totally agreee with her! :)

*

for simpler greener days.

i think its some GREEN day tmr.

is it?

but i know its Fly-day.

i am starting to understand this game.

it plays with your heart, then mind, then soul.

*

but you eventually try to control it.

so much that your instant thoughts and feelings can be overcome-d.

*

i recalled the old heart aches when i was on my way to the doc.

frankly i vividly remembers how i did it, myself.

no worries it wasn't serious and i did not faint.

haha.

but i know i slept and slept and tried to move less.

cus my body ached.

the doc was 45 mins late ( i recalled the nurses say )

and i saw ppl leaving..

but i sat there..

and i slept.

i really did.

as much as i wanted a shoulder then the wall,

i think i did pretty well.

now i am like a piece of stone.

but one with so much on my mind.

i guess we all learn and grow up.

we all start to appreciate and develop emotions and feelings.

and we also achieve and overcome.

..

this post is like my mind now.

bits and pieces.

haha.

not sure if it is the medication or just me.

but..

i am sure i am more then loved.

and i am ready to love in return.

ms kek; is this the song u asked me to listen?

:)

*

nerve-wracking 13hrs till then.

highlights of my vietnam trip (1)

day2: we don in the same to surprise(piss) my cousin boom..

because he can't stand ppl wearing the same!

so we prepared b4 hand..

his wife-to-be, myself n my sisters and my cousin.. all wore the same(almost)

you shld see his expression at breakfast! haha.

and we lied we were to wear another same top the next day! :P

but that attracted many stares n laughter

especially when we cross the busy roads in vietnam in a grp of ten..

screaming

"omg,omg,omg"

:)

my trip;

great company.

great fun.

so many laughters.

*

and bought home some germs too..

so i am going..

back to bed.

when i mean what i say:

Tuesday, June 30, 2009

thoughts of today.

my sweet dog

Saturday, June 27, 2009

第一個清晨

Friday, June 26, 2009

the additional candle on the cake.

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

a song.

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

family. relatives

Monday, June 22, 2009

stumbled upon;

Sunday, June 21, 2009

Friday, June 19, 2009

Thursday, June 18, 2009

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

dun test me.

tuuuueeesssday.

Sunday, June 14, 2009

if there is something call aftermath.

Friday, June 12, 2009

music for the heart n mind and Bed Time. sometimes.

Tuesday, June 09, 2009

dream job.

steals @ wrk

Monday, June 08, 2009

me&my.time

june's

Sunday, June 07, 2009

can some1

Friday, June 05, 2009

i was told...

Thursday, June 04, 2009

finally.

Wednesday, June 03, 2009

highlights of my vietnam trip (1)

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