The older I get, the more I am clear of what I view or should be the better and it gets me totally annoyed and upset living with the least. It's not for more, It's for the sane and wise. Nth less 'stupid'. That's it. Nuff'said.
I read of someone's fb status. I cldnt agree less!
Can Someone paint me my rainbow... please?
* after my 12 hrs of work, the last few minutes was alil discouraging as my proposal (mentioned last wk) was not taken up by my boss. Thou I learnt a fair bit, I really wished for much. She explained the capability of my idea inrelations to the demographics of our brand and customers. Shld I be glad that it's not the idea but the time phrase that I am in that does not fit, I'm learning everyday.
Long hours. Sometimes I wonder if it's me, my capabilities, my subject or wads it?! I hope it's doing me right for the worth. Looking up w much warmth I still have around me.
It's the 1st month into the job. And today I finally managed to initiate my first promotion proposal to my boss. Thou a small one, I feel quite excited and good about it! Because it's a total new product launch, new tie up and there's nothing to catch up for! Totally from me with no records to follow! :D mine. Awaiting reply now thou!
After all the catching up of back logs, unfinished promotions and events that's ongoing, i have to say I finally am getting the jibes of this industry. I Finally understood the numbers I hear during meetings and the non stop queries and information coming my way!
Tired and pressured I am, but I want to keep going. How I'm going to do it? Look Ahead without turning back, breathe and manage my emotions be it with all the unkind beings near, pray and trust god's plans for me. Ok, and I will surely rant and get pms :P but I know I can't look back and questioning will never get me anywhere!
Hmph, i have also stop myself from dreaming with hopes and living with expectations already. Because god is fair, I asked for a change in career with ownership and I got it, I can't keep asking for things right? :) but I'll grow independent and I'll grow stronger. And in due time I'll ask for others :P life is not just about work.. But why did I ask for that 1st? Im really getting old :(
Heading hm now and all I see is super tired beings around me in the train..
after talking to yh i realised that i do not have the courage she has.
and i am very proud of her.
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yes i am a tough person some may say,
others may think i carry the positive outlook in life.
i hope that i can keep that going.
because i fear to, and often to hide the uncertainties is to shelf them and not face them truthfully,
and yep to toughen up other areas and get going.
like the other i always talk about.
like the compartments of choice one has.
ashamed to admit that i have alot of them.
the number of compartments i segment my inner self is way beyond what one may describe.
am i protecting myself too much?
or am i too much of a woman to be, or am i just never brave enough?
i guess i have learnt and moved on the point i will keep myself sane and protect my own being before i lose it. i do not think further, i prevent and sort my thoughts when i feel it stepping out the the tracks. but i know being this will only make me walk the harder road.
but i cant help it.
i'm just not as brave as i was before.
*
i wished i could be lazy,
i wished i could ignore and ease up my daily chores.
but i know i can't,
i'm given it and i shall not question further and just do what i have to.
i really am not looking back.
not even abit.
i am just looking in front of me,
not very far but just alittle ahead.
i know i just have to.
hang on to my sanity.
and only allowing myself to have tiny bits of space to dream and have hopes.
just a little...
i feel like i am no way near to what i really am in real.
Listening to this simple yet sweet song on my bus journey. I relistened to it like 4 tyms, n try to put my mind afloat. I think it's such sweet words one can describe the other. Dreamy and trying to set my mood n emotions right.
I hate to admit I feel drained..fear n pressure still lingers. But I'm trying still.
Stepped out of the still air with much reality. I said it to her... "it's very hard to work with them..."
And I left, knowing conversations will follow but I'm gonna face it tmr after a goodtym w my dearest frens in awhile.
Speaking the painful truth will be a painful step up. But they left me with no choice. I really want to say how much I enjoy doing despite the pressure.
One, not exposed to material luxury will never find it's own material below the cut. One, not savoured delicacies and put to the ambitions of the society would be satisfied with simple food on it's own.
I saw a lil girl, bare footed, no luxury wear nor kidware. parents don in least basics, no manicure nor fashionable accesories. The other 2 lil boy n girl, sports shoes, vibrant coloured wear. Parents on heels and iPhone.
Difference: kid carries a smile almost similar to the parents the later; kids talking nonstop and parents yawning.
The 2 sided world. Where do we live in?
* I just like to story-watch. Heading hm. Living from the perspective of the other takes tym off my own..
Isiah 64:4 For since the beginning of the world men have not heard, nor perceived by the ear, neither hath the eye seen, O God, beside thee, what he hath prepared for him that waiteth for him.
love the girls.
