out of point 1
Do u realise its not always when u have alot on ur mind u blog?
worries of insecurities in blogging has never left thought.
today's a plain day...
did abit of my work.. suppose to do more.. but im reluctant to continue.
yes im lazY.
qs abt after march.... qs abt my future.
but i felt that wad abt now? my GOd u wnt know wads happening here.
saw daniel's work..
he is damn pro. damn gd. damn 'inborn'.. we all know.. but i sucks to believ.
Mai's wrk has alot of thoughts n planning... but u c the diff.
k's work pretty much him...
n Wes's definately the unique one..
I See REALITY.
is sad.
sum just has it.. while others dont.
i know ive never agreed im supposed to be.. n this thought has cost me great.. but again.. i dun wanna lose it.
They see my future bright n FAR" i c mine running frm me.
can i just leav reality n go to sumwher wher thers more then u can imagine n wher our minds travels the dist.
- to be continued......
when?
its the time of the yr when u know u wnt b really happy for all the gd reasons.. but yet u try so hard to put on that happy front.
my hart is cold, its insecure. theres no trust. no faith n no hope.
it sounds bad but i think other wise...
its just not gd for me.
i hate this tym n i cant wait to walk out of it.. but i know ihave to hold on.
..im in this ink tank... i got ink on me.. i like the colour but its nt my kind of colour.. soon ive fallen for it.. or gotten use to it.. but then i again.. i know its not me.. but im ok with it... i get to c the other colour floating by... i cnt get out of my colour bcus its darler then them.. but soon..rashes appears n my skin get all puffy n wrong....
wad m i talking..
weird.
my thoughts r unclear.. n very very unglam to even think abt it..
hate it..
wanna lose it.
but i'm alrdy lost,
so shld i find the lost one or shld i get one?
huh? weird-y
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found out that KEn is the kind of person... erms...
nt the kind of person i tot her would b.. quite sad.. BUT i'll still buy his CD.
(he has 2 cats( 1 that has a doggy perosnality) he picked them up on e streats.. y nt dogs? havnt met any, use to have a pig n sum creature... pig; frm a show he filmed when they decide to ge rid o it, he brought it hm... was out eating n that creature was abt to b cooked.. he too brought it hm!... hehe)
watched som canto drama...
" when u look at him and you know he is the one... u just knw it.. n infinity will fail u..."
it hurts to go thru this turmoil but u'll never know wads it like if u dont try...
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yawnZ
' Wynn id scared of the rubber cockroach from this surprise box i got frm malacca! so cute.. only she can bring smile into my 'damp' days.....'
mylove.
Cinds'
its pretty nutty inside.
TOday's a gd-ok-nt bad day.
after days of uncertainty , lazy thoughts, fear n cowardy tyms..
i hear sum gd news.
yes im stil very uncertain but at least thers gd news.
i tnk ive a sure-interview with the councilor. bcus she's my sis's fren. thkGOd i have sisters! hah
having all these unhappi tyms really makes me run away more.
i love my family, i really do ... but there r just tyms u hope things can change.
i love them... but u know it hurts to keep it this way.
u wanna do well... but yet i know u r nt n might fail...
u know wad. all u ned is to SWEAr.... forgive me.. F******* this life n this new year for now.
okok...
im done with this.. n im gd n happi again.
^_*
i feel that sumtyms when a crisis comes.. u can just wait ... bcus it mgt just turn for the gd.
my mood today has changed so rapidly since 9am.
was scared, dissappointed,worried,angry,happy,pissed,glad,tired...all at the same tym.
sound cool huh. but apparently not. its awful.. but hmmm... in a way.. i felt like ive lived a week in a day. so i shld b ok la.
i thnk im crazy.
im quite unhappi but yet im still happi in a way. y ah.
mayb bcus i know that by feel worst when tyms r bad wont make things turn for the better....
yup.
thats y.. i love wynn.. haha.. ( of out of point but , do u tnk i care)
i tnk if i cld.. il quit sch,get maried,get another dog... or go get a job as sum animal shelter thingy..or e ZOO.. or just stay hm n babysit pets if thers such service! i tnk i can start one... nowadays pet owners r too busy w their lives.. their pets ned babysitting.! haha
oh ya .. y get married.. coz incase it doesnt work out.. il have him to support me.. hah.. both financially n mentally... n i bet my parents will definately nt support me unless i get married! haha... wadmore. marriage is a gd tng rite? haha... im really insane.
-Wynn greets me by the door w the warmest welcome...
-she cant wait to slep on my lap even though i smell like ****.
-when my sis starts to bully her.. disturbing her slep by singing 'teddy bear run round e garden'...she just sign' n look at me. hahaha.....n falls aslepp again..
-she waits for me by the toilet door when i bathe...( i tnk she know i cnt swim!)
-cries for me to wakeup if im nt up by nn...( i tnk she scared i overslept..! or she's hungry!)
-forces her way thru my door...stands by my bed..sniff sniff.. n runs off...
-she snatched my com. chair... i sat on her a couple of tyms.. but yet she stil does it! ( she makes me feel light!)
-she brings me her disgusting food she kept in her mouth... wanting for me to play sum silly guess which hand has the food game... or hoping ill snatch her food... or mayb she just wanna share...
-waits for me at the door when i dump her dirty toilet tray..
-jumps on my lap whenever i sits down
-forgives me when i missed her walking mornings.. n bathing treats.
u know wad the list goes on..
......i just think that everyone shld get a pet!
the animal make u wanna b a better person! a better lover... a better mother... a better HUMAN.
i read gurmit's bio abt his pet dog MAJOR'... a shetler.
melts my hart.
he mentioned abt having smth warmth n furry by his feet in the morning....
n his ex pet Maltese that passed away... having a white wig everymorn he wakes up...
my god thats swet.
my lecturer Tommy tells me his pet Maltese would sit by his wife's shoulders in the car like a cushion.. or climbs up his head like a wool hat!.... haha
haiz!... my a damn animal freak huh..
Gurmit oso mentioned if he cld chose to do anth he want.. he'll take over the Zoo..Man i hope he would hire me! hahah
ok enuff of my preaching abt animals..
yes its just me.. im really v.over them.
u know y..
bcos they r such beautiful creatures... n great mates.. great lovers, companions,children...
n i'll bet my last dollar that ur dog will b there for u more then anyone!
okok..im getting v v v v way out here..
i think im crazy alrdy.
*****************************************************************************
mylove
cinds'
smth to add
u know y i love my dog.
becus she'l never walk out on me.
its a selfish thought. becus we human's want assurance. i hate myself for that.
thats y i love wynn.
i dote on her, try to treat her like my daughter bcus even if she'll never treat me like what i'd do.. she'll always b the one that silently walk to my side n share my sorrow, n joy.
remmbered i was crying on my bed sum tym ago...
crying so hard...wynn pushed her way into my room... sat my my bed.. n she started crying. for real....
today she cried when i screamed at her for trying to reach for the food on the table.
but she forgave me when i gave her a hug n allowed her to slep on my lap.
ppl/ we shld all start to thnk abt how mean n unloving humans r..
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crazy thought of adding this but... it just came n left before i could finish it.. so forgive my broken story.
messsssy
do u at times u feel lost n u realise u r in deep shit!?
or the feeling of unsatisfactory n insecurity.... or maybe.. uncertainty...
even guilt n fright.
its weird when im not sure of my feelings n thoughts..
often im happi n upset at e same time.. sounds weird. its true.
mayb its a womans' thing. i duno. but im sure im nt alone.
i realised ive stopped writing abt the things that happened to me in my daily lives...
im starting to write stuff out of my quiet mind ..
no more tv stuff.. no more daddy stuff.
hmm.. things getting 'un-entertainy' sad.
i shall talk abt....
oh watch this canto drama... ok its the 4th tym i watched it.. today e last episode called
"Lu Jing Sui Yue"
u know y i liked the love story in it..
its e feeling Rachel n Ivan knew so strongly abt each other... they din really live thru each other's lives but yet they knew.. they met, they exchanged thoughts, they fall right in.
times change.. live goes on.. they r frens but they knew they loved each other.
they may nt b e best lover.. but they knew they cnt stop themselves frm loving n falling in love.
i know i getting v complex! ha.. but its really v complex!
i love their funny side. natural side.. serious n ambitious side towards life. the sacrificial part. the realistic side.. the trust n faith. THe love inside that only lives in them.. no1 knows best besides themselves.. this special kind.
it weird. it amazing. n i love it!
today. sum old fren o mine( a guy) told me... if he is a nice guy y cnt he get a gf..
we chatted n sort of concluded he was a shy guy.
but its apparently not.. he is a nice person. but never true to himself i feel..
u know wad.. guys often will appear less trueful then they r.
love is a complex thing.
im a complex person.
we all r.
i read the gurl's blogs today...
after so long. i had a quick review of wad they hav been doing..
:) its getting so "happening'.
Hl's topsy tervy,complexy,dramatic, lovey stories.. my god.. its getting exciting.
sorry gurl no special meanings.. but i feel that in tym.. when u look back.. ul b smiling n hapy all these happened!
haiz. im lost in words.
i can feeeeeeel e emptiness now. but im ok.
i once said. . i'd love to have a packed life.. everyday got stuff to do..
but now i feel this pile stacking on me.. n yet n slacking.. human's r weird animals.
like when i hangup saying.." he is not the one".
im damn sicko right, KIll me!
cheerios.
mylove to all..
live goes on.. n prayers shall go out to them always.
cinds'
a tym when everyone starts to stop n tink abt life.
i guess ive been watching CNA more then b4.
tears have never flowed this rapidly in continious days,weeks.
n never get so touched n proud of our fellow singaporeans, my country. Small yet mighty n never less helpful. n greatful
early morning i heard them packing stuff. was too tired to wake up. came hm real late...
when i c the clock strike 1pm.. i started counting the hrs i slepT.. haha.. i tnk.. its enuf.. then i draged my body out to chck out last nite's concert on Azio.. hoping to c f4.
i realised my parents n sis were packing our blankets, bedsheets n some clothings to bring to e cc. my god i felt guilty.
made our way there with a box o blankets, bags of sheets n clothes.. carried our way in.. the cc staff was so nt polite they din even say much to us.. just asked us to carry it inside. so smile to thks no nth. i dun mean to ask her to thank us. or anth but i felt that the spirit n gratitude shld b there. i felt her unfriendliness.. but i said nth until daddy spoke up in e car. its true that as customer service ppl, or cc staf.. or even representing such events.. u shld carry sum courtesy.
* okok. i shall stop these complains n nags. i tnk it runs in family.!
i guess this disaster has made all of us think n ponder, cherish n b greatful towards life. we all start to realise n feel death closer again. its not like SArs. its a natural disaster n its so near. we blame no1 for it.. bcus we cant. i personally believe in ICE AGE. (if u watch The Day After Tmr -
http://www.thedayaftertomorrow.com/) the website really explains n elaborates wad we humans have done to earth. e damage. the truth abt this show n wad mgt we becum. n i believe.
scary.
-
scientist dug out mamooths n found greens in their stomach, it proved that in their tym b4 humans, there were plants, greenery n life.. n they went thru Ice Age.. n then it was our tym.
i was so encouraged when i saw ppl spreading love on tv all day. the memorial, the charity programme, the news, the volunteers... but i was deeply touched n upset when i saw them. the truth abt life n death.
remmbrs sum things/phrases they said...
'when u help a child u r nt only giving him or her that smile n hope, but u r oso helping n giving hope n love to the crying mother n helpless family of theirs.'
'its ok, we r safe becus everyones here'
-
i remmbred the HK charity drive when jacky chan's son showed us the mountians of coffins....
the many bodys that were thrown into the duged soil.
the angry indonesian soldier abt the messy arragements...
children smiling, others crying.
sum countries having less help.
i mean even un such, i c the difference in treatment . its so humane, n so not.. they say its politics... i say its selfish.
humans. so true.
i dun wish to imagine in 3 mnths tym this love will fade. i hope not.
we dun need crisis to bring out the love out there right.?
but still n proud of spore.
nt so proud of myself yet.
sum1 asked .... 'if given a chance, would u go n help on the sites?"
i ans an immediate yes.
im nt to b proud of that ans.
m i frank enuff?
she told me others askd what could thay help n sum chose nt to bcus they knew they'l of no help.
i chose yes. bcus i felt it will b a great experience n they will nvr not need an extra hand. but think again. how frank?
dun ask fro n experience.
dun ask for a bold n strong side.
but if its a real apportunity for me.
i would really love to say yes.
maybe we could go help built homes? paint houses? dress the kids, clean homes, cook, share love,deliver food. i duno.
my hectic sch week will start.
life goes on.. b greatful
'when life give u a lemon, make a lemonade out of it!' i love this phrase.
( u know wad, every tyme i read back wad i wrote, i sumtimes wanna erase it.. cos it seems dumb n immature. hmmm. my god im young! i would think. we all have many sides.)
