when i mean what i say:: October 2009

8th day in..

confetti stuck on my heels~

a week onto it.

ms kek asked me "..why events?"

i think it was about the burn-ing weekends.

i don't really know too!

but i am not complaining. really.

there was a lil girl n happy moment today,

one of my fav player when i was a lil girl in the M'sia cup days poked on my finger and gave me a really warm smile (he remembered me when i was younger) as i was holding on to the tray of medals for his winning team! that smile was priceless..

there was an awkward and jittery moment today,

the kind of shocking look at me from someone i once looked in awe and charm and soon the opposite, gave me. i felt uncomfortable and uneasy.. even up till now i feel so.. maybe i don't like the feeling of not being able to know it for sure.

the amount of smiles, and questions on ground makes me really wonder..

is that the real answer or i actually am unsure too?

maybe i know of too much,

maybe i feel of the many,

maybe i am just being me.

maybe i am not fully in yet.

*

YAWNs.

.tired i am.

But....

its...

HALLOWEEEEN!!!...

thou i have work tmr..

and i look crap in this picture..

i hope you'll have a gd laugh!!!!!!

Happy Halloween~!!!!

(my mum is gonna kill me)

"Trick or Treat?

HAHA

(glad my sis looks happy and healthy in here!)

midwk.

i have no idea who to listen.

who to hear.

who to ignore.

who to please.

i can't wait for the weekends.

but;

what's there?

Happiness is a journey, not a destination.

i read;

Happiness is like a butterfly,

the more you chase it, the more it will elude you,

but if you turn your attention to other things,

it will come and sit softly on your shoulder.

- Thoreau

when i thought,

i chase for happiness each day as i fight unhappiness..

or should i say,

i thought that happiness is on its way..

everyday..

*

well,

life could be better if tmr is not monday.

and if my calender is marked with more of the things i don't have to consider.

but life is still good,

and happiness is still next door,

we just gotta look harder and smile @ it for now..

k'

*and why am i so random, n looked up on happiness?

i saw a beautiful and most simple Happiness.

with some similarities when i was younger it made me smile in embarrassment,

have chills on my back, grew dreams and imaginations when seen,

smile when contact..

now that i see it again, i smiled,

and realised, that was the simple happiness i once dreamt of,

thou its pretty far from the picture i draw now,

but i find that it its as difficult to find as of what i have learnt of..

thus, i shall draw no more picture, dream no more imaginations,

but just live as i should be..

right? my butterfly..

drama close to life.

i am watching 溏心风暴2:家好月圆.
watched it a few times already.
watched it fully once.
but yet i am still on it again.

i wonder why.

in the show,
there were so many stands of being 清楚, living a Clear life. everything being 清清楚楚.. frank with our morals, values, stands. the struggles on the real world.
like in the love stories in it. like the living world of life.

清楚, rationale, Bold, strong, truthful.
so tiring.
right or wrong.
i can't see the end of the road.
i can't see the journey.
i don't know what is ahead.
everything.

but each time i see them in the show,
they cry and wipe their tears,
they fight and makeup in hug,
they laugh over things, but they face their emotions.
enjoying the real warmth in life.
the support between friends, lovers, siblings, relations despite the feelings they have, their needs the to be done, their to dos.
their control, their firm stand.
their rationale living rights.
and beautiful and good ending.
the worth it living even though theres alot of challenges ahead.

i hope i could live it.

breathe.

the Start.

day 1 @ work.

took forever to find that miserable piece of bread i prep for breakfast. panicked and almost wanted to re make 1 more till i saw it.
fell asleep on the train.. and bumped my head hard on the side wall. it hurt but i didn't dare react until i passed the crowded station!
wore my polka dotty skirt n slippery shoe...was on the phone.. and i slipped and 1 knee landed on the floor, stood up on the other leg and totally pretended as nothing has happened! i just looked @ my dotty skirt n laughed.

HAHA.

anyways.

i am really confused now.

be it; wad i experienced, have in hand, looking ahead, looking back.

call me confuse-y foo.

hur~

*

i want to go walk walk.

see treessss... greeenss...siittt siitttt...

i want to live my fri sat sunday to its max.

but how?

another chapter.

in 9 hours.

i'd have stepped a "huge foot" in.

wish me luck~

*

and for that foot in.. (or just being a brat)

i bought myself a polka dotty shirt..

despite mr pocket's weight.

and i refuse to remember mr pocket until i saw someone's expression upon seeing my buy.

annoying but yet..

.. :P

*

taking a deeeep breathe and forcing myself to Loooook ahead!

g'nitey

The Ugly Truth.

watched.

heard. learnt.

but, still saw true love in a way.

:)

like the conversation w my dearest yh earlier..

we all wanna keep our hopes up,

for better or for worst days.

g'nite.

sad eyes.

taken on cruise.

sunrise or sunset?

*

the perspective of the different.

be it humane.

be it rationale.

in all aspects of life.

can you even learnt of your wants being right or wrong?

is there even right or wrong.

*

i just wanna lie on warmth.

feel that heartbeat.

feel that i am not far away from shore.

or from wrong.

g'nite.

feel like having sofa chats.

feel like having warm spills.

feel like feeling simpler and relaxed.

feel like sharing a cup of ice coffee.

feel like shaking the-wakeup to myself.

feel like shutting my eyes and mind.

cross section ignorance of the mind.

there are just some things i do not and will never understand.

or am i refusing to understand?

i think i don't even understand myself thoroughly.

how can i even judge?

i need to breathe from where i should breathe.

is there even the word Right in our/my life?

*

do not want to start #$@$@#$@#%%@#$@#$@#.

i am spoilt.

radio & youtube pickups

over heard this on the radio,

the chorus caught me.

放弃你 by 郭書瑶

Lyrics: 我想我并不聰明我沒有你的機靈在愛情變質之前我沒反應沒察覺你的表情你知道我不聰明所以才選擇放棄放棄去猜你每一個反應去猜你是否變心放棄你放棄愛情放棄了所有權利連自己都知道這不公平放棄你放棄自己放棄了愛的權利放棄你等於放棄我自己你知道我不聰明所以我選擇放棄放棄去猜該如何留住你放棄了所有回憶放棄你放棄愛情放棄了所有權利連自己都知...

暗戀by David Tao

always like David tao's story telling songs.

若你碰到他 by 蔡健雅

Tanya's new album looks pretty, arty, story-y..

g'nite world.

a cruise moment.

lying on the bed..

trying to fall aslep depite being tired..

playing with my hp..

listening to music on the tv..

i wrote smth on my hp..

Lying on a simple bed,

i'm actually far away from shore, from land,

from security, from assurance, for being sure,

that is; myheart.mysoul.

nite'

i don't know.

anymore. at all. or wadever.

i am frighten.

of more then what i thought i have taken on.

or have done.

don't hate me.

*

bring it on.

i want to prove not just myself.

looking back alil.

i received a most lovely graduation gift from a friend.

he said to put our grad-photos in it.

:)

looking @ so many graduation photos that arrived recently.

it really feels like it was just yesterday..

i just had a book-launch invite from a friend on fb.

yes, it is a launch of a book she wrote.

i have had short film screening invites previously as well..

yes, award winning films.

i really wonder,

what is ahead.

of me.

*

junction rants.

the ugly human.

the never understood human.

the weird human.

the tired human.

i feel like admitting that i hate myself sometimes.

if only life was simple.

i mean; the mind.

just like the wonderful time i had yesterday :)

had a wonderful long day w my aunts and sis..

look at the kiddish happy things we got above.

hur~ meaningless joy.

the chats w my aunts always make me feel grown n loved.

and make me wanna tear when they extend their love to whoever i will and Have loved.

ironically painful in some aspect, but overwhelmingly touched.

they are just like mothers.

i guess the bond and closeness my aunts and i have grown is special.

the coffee chats, the womanly talks, the motherly sayings, the jokes.

the love they have for my dad and my family :)

i guess the older you get.. it grows.

i really thank God for the family bond we all have.

but u can't help but keep having to remind myself of the love i have around me.

the reminders are tiring.

i do not know what and where i am heading to.

*

recently i have had reminders of the words of another.

the slaps of the other.

the look and not understood msg of thee as well.

but yet.

i feel annoyed with myself.

i bump into watching some annoying show online..

with such a distinct msg.

but ofcus the extreme..

but i guess it was a msg and reminder again.

end it.

but who knows what and why?

*

the conversation all night with my lovely friends was really nice.

enjoy it so much.

i hope it will always be.

my day felt so full and happy because of how you guys complete it.

thank you~

muuusic before bed and after right brain exercising.

MIKA - My Interpretation.

"...This is my interpretation,

And it don't, don't make sense...."

Really like this song.

i love that whole album actually..

its not the kind of song u really sing totally to. or anth.. but

it is just Nice.. i wonder y do i play in on itunes, utube n not frm the lovely album i have?

weird.

just like my own "interpretation" Ha.

*

randomly explored this other 1..

Mika - You Made me..

the start of its lyrics goes..

You can be difficult ,I can be mean
We can be lovebirds or sting like bees
We're walking a wire
In danger of falling from grace

A minute of pleasure
An hour of pain
You reel me back in with your physical thing
Cos sometimes you're worth all of the things that I hate ..

..

HAHA

Random.

be prepared for a reeallly RanDom entry..

EhemS.

headed out for driving lessons despite the lil rain and Clear sky...

endup.. learnt that it was cancelled after..

had a sudden meetup with some not meant to be..

but well.. i just don't wanna think.

went around to shop alil despite being on a no-income month..

*drumRoll*...

i bought this retarded looking Macaron thingy..

ok, it has a really sweet smile, its squishy and smells like candy!

and yes.. the polka dot is part of the buying thing...

and ofcus.. its becus my Turtle has Turned "black"

i wonder, when have i started this fetish of hanging sooo many things on my hp?!! when!??!?!?!

but right before i head home.. smth happened.

i sortof cracked something after i dropped it in a shop and thus, brought it.. fainting..

anyways...

after i head home.. and saw this amazing thing..

a box of cold grapes, cleaned and washed, plucked and kept in this container sitting in the refrigerator.. and you know who did this? not my mum or my sisters.. but my Dad!!!! i am sooo amazed... HAHAHA... he can't even cook noodles... but ofcus there are areas the always do a good job @..

ok. is all the above Random enough?

if it is not.. then...

the view from below my neck..

heading for my interview the other day...

polka dots again.. hur~

*

how ironic;

as i type this entry in much of a relaxing and playful mind before i start my supposed work to be done....

i got a phone call, i got some questions..

i got huge kick into the real world..

argh.

L I F E

that is.

it Just makes the lil run you have been running seems easier, less tiring...

it is really good to have someone to hear your bloated mind,

to make you smile, make you feel that you are not alone,

bring you out and make you forget about that heavy worldy issues,

make u feel that you are not weird, make you feel that you are loved.

today i had much of that from a couple of lovelies..

before bedtime, i felt Sooo much lighter compared to the earlier.

thou its such small areas of the nitty gritty,

the things that doesn't really kills.

thou you may not talk about the real aches,

thou you dun have to spill out the hidden bloats..

but you know, having ppl that look @ your perspective with no doubts.

tell you to think, show you the concern, sit by you to laugh, hear you thou is tired,

say things thou have own worries..

it is a human towards human thing that makes one,

warmup, smile,

and feel as thou everything is a breeze..

and you sleep well at night!

g'nite world.

*

frm drinks @ nite: i gotta remember

recalls that i am 难搞, hard to please, pattern-alot kind of person..

(perspective of many that i remember! AM i, really so difficult???!?!?!?!)

my lovely yh says.. Nope..

(just like how i think she is not that 麻烦 too~)

HAHA.

Someday We'll Know - Mandy Moore & Jonathan Foreman

was youtubing the songs i heard @ wala earlier.. and..

i bump into this really nice song and video..

i thought this is reeallly nice..

the song is simple enough and cherry~

i was thinking....i think June will like this video~

The song goes..

90 miles outside Chicago
Can't stop driving
I don't know why
So many questions
I need an answer
Two years later
You're still on my mind

Whatever happened to Amelia Earhart?
Who holds the stars up in the sky?
Is true love just once in a lifetime?
Did the captain of the Titanic cry?

Someday we'll know if love can move a mountain
Someday we'll know why the sky is blue
Someday we'll know why I wasn't meant for you

Does anybody know the way to Atlantis
Or what the wind says when she cries?
I'm speeding by the place that I met you
For the 97th time tonight

Someday we'll know if love can move a mountain
Someday we'll know why the sky is blue
Someday we'll know why I wasn't meant for you
Someday we'll know why Samson loved Delilah
One day I'll go dancing on the moon
Someday you'll know that I was the one for you

I bought a ticket to the end of the rainbow
I watched the stars crash in the sea
If I could ask God just one question
Why aren't you here with me tonight?

Someday we'll know if love can move a mountain
Someday we'll know why the sky is blue
Someday we'll know why I wasn't meant for you
Someday we'll know why Samson loved Delilah
One day I'll go dancing on the moon
Someday you'll know that I was the One for you

:)

isn't it true that someday we will all know of the questions we have of today?

be it gd or bad, right or wrong..

Someday..

We Will All Know :)

i am better than i thought i would be.

i will be happier than i am of yesterday.

i have learnt and overcome.

i shall be braver and stronger then before.

i now know.

i am not looking back.

i should be grateful, everyday.

my Fat FamilyWeek. of love.

early tmr, all of my cousies would have left..

and all they left behind for us.... will be..

FATS ...

and a big amount is on me lor...!

HAHAHA.

the amount of Foooood we ate all week.. is SCARY.

:P

well, it all actually begun on tuesday, with

plenty of moon cake and singapore food + shopping after...

and it was wednesday, late night prata..

thursday, wala nite & big chinese supper..

friday, Grand's birthday with scary chinese food~

the younger ppl table..

Everyone!

*

and it was saturday, BBQ nite @ aunt's..

the mad-cousins on Polaroid!

(except the bride n groom)

Aunty Nancy's....

SINGAPORE SLING~

she got abit high drinking her own mix!

there u see her annoying daughter n son-inlaw! HA.

Mel the Smell, the Excited Not, Mooncake Server! HA.

*

Sunday..

The Wedding...

Tea ceremony.. with Popo~

(love the train of the dressssss..)

We were the Yum-Seng party on stage!

i snap snap snap in the midst!

lovely wedddding Cakey..

and did i mentioned the flower they chose was..

orchids.. :)

the newly weds were made to give a passionate Kisssss...

the boys and the bride..

the girls and the bride...

the Cousin's table...

The WHOLE family Photo....

(although we are a small family here,

but having some abroad,

we never have all of us together in sg before..

it meant alot to all of us,

i hope Munyi was the happiest bride!)

*

and today, Monday.. we went for KTV buffet...

:D

i teared..

becus our singing SUCKed big tym..

and it was sooo hilarious...

shld i upload the videos?

HAHAHA.

*

i have so many photos to sort..

so many smiles to keep..

so much misses to share..

love is in the air..

:)

Concluded..

IT IS Exactly,

1 Full Week of FATS..

blloooddyhellll!

wilber pan.

He is the 1st (only - i tnk) singer i actually went to his autograph session.

then, he was super not popular..

yh n i passed by to check him out..

and we just went up to say hi!

HAHa. those were the days~

his latest works >

(think they are not bad! and he still looks as good~)

寂屋出租

無重力

路太彎

has the Tracy Su in it :)

mooooosic before bed ah~

g'nite.

when i mean what i say:

Saturday, October 31, 2009

8th day in..

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

midwk.

Sunday, October 25, 2009

Happiness is a journey, not a destination.

drama close to life.

Friday, October 23, 2009

the Start.

Thursday, October 22, 2009

another chapter.

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

The Ugly Truth.

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

sad eyes.

Monday, October 19, 2009

cross section ignorance of the mind.

Sunday, October 18, 2009

radio & youtube pickups

a cruise moment.

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Sunday, October 11, 2009

looking back alil.

Saturday, October 10, 2009

junction rants.

Friday, October 09, 2009

muuusic before bed and after right brain exercising.

Thursday, October 08, 2009

Random.

it Just makes the lil run you have been running seems easier, less tiring...

Someday We'll Know - Mandy Moore & Jonathan Foreman

Tuesday, October 06, 2009

my Fat FamilyWeek. of love.

Thursday, October 01, 2009

wilber pan.

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