when i mean what i say:

i am not sure if that was the right thing to do.

but on my journey back i realised that what i did may have made me felt better infact.

i thought and had many flash backs.

that looks on their faces.

the third party position.

i wouldnt deny i felt the cold chills all over me.

my hands my heart.

and how i earn for a lil warmth suddenly...

i felt guilty actually.

because this has nothing to do with anyone else.

so why did i have to cause them such awkwardness.. i thought.

i had thoughts about maybe i shld have swollowed and hid myself alil, 

then there will be no awkwardness for others..

why getting n creating the unnesss.. i know i am capable of swollowing it myself.

but again, i suddenly realised that on the other hand, the new member of the grp shld will soon feel the comfort, because i may have proven and given the sign that i am out of the picture and she is in..

i know its like my kind of consolation.. but i am being frank..

hmph.

what ever it is.. its done. anyway..

then i stopped and asked.

why even go read so much into it.

why.

i realised it is no longer a game.

it is no longer a phase.

it has become an emotion,

a thought, a concern..

and plenty of care and relationship kind of emotion all over.

i am putting him out of the picture.

because i am no-longer wanting to evaluate him, his position, his rights or wrong..

as i have decided and its about time i leave him to my memory box with much smiles instead.

i really do not know how and what to feel.

and have realised i have became more then less feeling.

i am not sure if it is a good thing.

but i also know that the words of my frens to give me tad assurance to do what i did earlier was because they stood at my perspective.. just like what the others stood @ his.

i should smile and feel for the cares of the human heart ya.

its more then over.

i am already toughening up..

and being more then selfish and cold.

forgive me. myself. if i am more selfish.

nite.