when i mean what i say:

pouring morning irks.

office is almost empty. they went for NDP activities, i am so enjoying my peace.
i am glad i have michelle nearby. she always gives me the nicest morn smile!
she just went to do wrk saying "seeu @ lunch!"
i am flooded with work too~
but my mind's aflood, but the flood is the kind u see nth but water.
ok, i do not know what i am blabbering about.

i am learning to not look into stuffs.
because i know e heart is already different..
but i hate to have sudden swing backs into struggles and wonder why. and feel that irk.
i think the positive balance is knowing he is doing well. and hopefully for the better.

it is just another phrase.
i just need some warmth and assurance, i guess.
but im learning to grow out of it.
or maybe i just ned to cry. cry debt. bleh.
wth.

or maybe just afresh mind.
*
michelle says that i am a "perfectionist".
but i can't prove so in so many areas. but i won't deny i do have my stands to some. but maybe thats why i cldnt stand the whole other reasons once i gave in to for the better (i thought) turned against me and slap me hard, so hard i fear and shake and felt more alone and dumb then ever. so blunt i frankly fear to admit and say it out loud. so much i guess noone can understand. so overwhelming. so real. so true. yes, i should learn to face it.
i shall look @ it hard, say it out loud, admit it and let it pass.
but how?

maybe a slap will work.

posted by Cinds @ 9:17 AM