when i mean what i say:

i thought its tym im doing it for myself.. 'i thought'

her heart's spoken.
her mind's at a lost.

she is trying.
but pain is overwhelming.

the walk down sentosa was aching..
but the breeze and beautiful sight reminded her of all the pretty things arnd her..
whats left was for her to reach for it.

it started from there..
n it seems to be ending there.
that frozen and shivering lonely heart @ the beach of sentosa

she saw kids running in n out of the pool @ rasa sentosa..
she saw sights of ppl coming to grace love @ the right junction.
she wanted to shout aloud "...i wanna get married here too.."
but she mumbled.
n she saw nth.
she's @ a junction too..

past week was like ... she was trying to get out of hand..
she tries to play out hard.
but the more u try..
i tnk the harder u can get wild.

out with the boys she thought could get alil out of hand.
but yet.. nth did. except the extra alcohol.. but guess wad.. she was not even near frm being drunk.
being drunk just don't comes near her!.. ok not that she's a good drinker...
but bcause she is not one that pours 'water' down her throat. get it?
or mayb... was those watchful eyes and souls that kept looking out for her..
:)
they kept her holding those tears.

she told me that pain could lead to anger.
and i asked her y of all things anger?

she explained that one would feel pain so close by,
that she'll question herself what brought the pain?
and the ans would lead to anger.

being angry with herslf or with what has happened.. often its not clear.

it might lead to nowhere.
but all is frozen.
all is said.

u know whats the hardest and stongest pain? she asked.
when tears roll down when ur eyes are in contact with water..
and when you tot u were dreaming but all seems real..
when u feel no warmth in your pillow and only soaked moisture..
when you hear familier sounds and pretty sights.. you feel no happi tots..
and when christmas is near..
you feel no love is near.

when you bought your baking matters..
and you cant seems to bake.
you walk around for gifts..
you cant seems to picture smiles from him..
u just give up.

posted by Cinds @ 5:43 PM