when i mean what i say:

Ouch me.

2012-02-07T20:17:00.001+08:00

I'm exhausted and annoyed. Disappointed and less believe.

I really don't know if i will ever find my way.

If this is God's plan and lesson for me. I think it's making me lose my trust in humans.

I should pray. But I don't know what to ask for.
Because I feel that I'm too dumb or deaf to hear myself or the world.

I suddenly feel that I don't know myself. Don't know the world.

If there's meant to be. Where are you?

Reads! And is it so?

2012-01-30T23:44:00.001+08:00

"Ask most people what they want out of life and the answer is simple - to be happy. Maybe it's this expectation of wanting to be happy
that just keeps us from ever getting there. Maybe the more we try to will ourselves to states of bliss, the more confused we get -
to the point where we don't recognize ourselves. Instead we just keep smiling - trying to be the happy people we wish we were.
Until it eventually hits us, it's been there all along. Not in our dreams or our hopes but in the known, the comfortable, the familiar."

- off from blog reading (Val's)

Chinese NY

2012-01-22T07:38:00.001+08:00

Big reminders of family, love, growing up and giving. I'd say I love my family who makes the effort in many ways during the festive.

Like the dad who dresses up the house (often over dress) and the mom who feeds the family!

I'm once again thankful for a family that loves festives. It's been a joy growing up in such.

Ok, I admit I hate the cleaning, cleaning and cleaning. Kindof start to dislike the Qs and big reminders of growing up too... But well, good stuff comes along with all that nitty gritty huh.

Embracing it all ya.

Do you know the Tw*nTowers shuts its lights at midnight?

2012-01-10T01:00:00.002+08:00

i never knew till this very day..

i'm sitting by the desk, next to me was a plate of finished grapes, hair dryer, Hp, Docus, a bottle of water, my comb .. tv on, legs up... with a view of the towers over my shoulder by the large window..

Yup, Ms relaxy yet tired me in my hotel room.

it's kind of peaceful. kindof bitter sweet.

my work trips always makes me feel so much inside out.

this time, it sure did once again.

i learnt so much.

from work, from myself, from the world.

good night.

the little things..

2012-01-09T07:11:00.001+08:00

it's another or first lil work trip of the year. Thou short but the dread lives on.. Am I really not cut for such? I truly feel so..

Anyways.. Some gestures just keeps me feeling warmth.. But again.. How can I not depend on it?

Hope alls well ya!

Today's..

2012-01-06T08:39:00.001+08:00

..the 13th Day if Christmas.. (12days) left too soon!

Firsts

2012-01-03T08:10:00.001+08:00

Had my first dip of the year.
My first laugh of the year.
My first stir as well.

And I'm still at my resolutions!
Anyways, as much as it is, 2011 has been overwhelming.. ~

I continue to wish for Joy and Gd health for everyone.

backwards..

2011-12-31T21:11:00.001+08:00

The journey "backwards" is never easy.
Today I walked the route I've never taken backwards, it felt longer then usual..

This moment, I learnt that the journey "backwards" is going to be tougher then I thought it would be.

We all conclude 2011, I can't help but feel that I'm not ready for 2012.
(written 31.12.11)

This morning, I woke up with a strangest dream.

A dream of someone who stayed in my house/home and decides to leave. Everyone at home thanked him and bid goodbye, some told him that he could stay, others just left him with a warm word of thanks. Amazingly, him and I find that he've never been here physically but we've been in touch in other ways and it's been closer then being here.
some things unknowingly integrates into our daily life/ routine...
(... to be continued..)

Turn your face to the Sun and Shadows fall behind you. - Maori Proverb

2011-12-28T15:01:00.001+08:00

I wonder..

2011-12-28T10:38:00.001+08:00

.. If such joys are worth the pains after ..

I made it sound like I already know and foresee pain.

Like when you were little and love those monkey-bars but it gives you blisters after.. I remember those times I even had trouble writing after. But I still returned to the bars until I eventually stopped. But I couldn't remember what made me stop.

But I never measured it's worthiness then.

Merry Merry CHRISTmas..

2011-12-24T02:33:00.001+08:00

X

2011-12-24T02:22:00.001+08:00

As grumpy and annoying as he can be... He is still indeed the only man on earth I can depend on and will go the extra mile as much as he can..
"Thank you, Daddy..."
... Alright you can have 1 carbonated drink Tmr! :P

Overflowing love. Over-flowing thoughts about love.

2011-12-21T00:23:00.001+08:00

Attended the 6th and final wedding of the year.
Yes, I witnessed 6 love commitments in 6 different ways. Some the most romantic, others simple, mostly with their own personality.

Unsure why but the feeling is exceptionally different tonight. I was definitely happy for today's couple and it was indeed one of the most complete wedding of all 6 I attended.

My mind and heart was trying to feel the love and warmth of this earth on my journey home (which usually it does) but it didn't. Instead I was confused. With the word love and everlasting happiness and what weddings meant.

A dear fren sat next to me with his gf this evening, when she asked for hot tea from the waiter, my fren took her tea cup and gobbled down the remaining cold tea. (yes it took me 3secs to realized he wanted her to have a fresh hot cup).
At that moment I thought that was love.

The groom's speech and the video clip of their vows; that was love.

The refreshed memories of some I knew and has plans for marriage; that was love.

Thoughts and felt of a hand holding moment and a peck on the forehead...

I guess; love only means love when it's true to oneself. Love stories can be told a lifetime and you can witness love a hundred times over. Get your heart melted and broken all over and over..

I am truly confused. But I believe that this moment, I do not know you yet love. And I finally realized that as much as you wan a perfect wedding, you actually wan perfect love. Because only true and perfect love will shine through oneself, above all that ceremonial formalities..

"Hello December..

2011-12-12T10:52:00.004+08:00

.. you are here again.

it seem like it was just not long ago that you left!

You always make me feel overwhelmed and emotional with joy and everything else.

Yes, you are an amazing month; and you surely come and go really quickly that i often couldn't enjoy/ experience you thoroughly.

It is my second December in my current job. and my third December being in the real world.

and; my first December feeling that i should be accomplishing something bigger or moving on somewhere/ some stage of my life.

I can't say I'm not happy but i can't say i'm doing very well. But December, you make you think and try to stop for awhile. but very soon you leave and i'll be trying to tidy up with January.

December, December.. if you can, please grade me for the year.

tell me what's good to stay and what's meant to go.

what's to be worked on, what's to be fixed.

what's there to seek, what's there to pursue.

what's to change and what's to improve.

if you may, please stay a little longer for me to tidy myself and savor you as well..

.."

Unimaginably short.

2011-12-06T08:38:00.001+08:00

It happened and it ended.
The long and handwork then result just came and left. It's like in a blink of an eye. I didn't know why but satisfaction was way short-lived then I ever thought it would be. Excitement barely kept me glad for long. Praises was unsought for.

I kindof knew why. I kindof am still searching for the answer. I'd like to treat it as another growing up lesson in life.

Envy.

2011-12-05T01:37:00.001+08:00

Am I greedy or I always convince myself with the least?

I guess you'll never know. But god had his plans, so I shall not doubt.. I really shouldn't, not even to question on ask for more right?

That's life isn't it?

I guess the eyes of envy often gives u such, and all you need is to smack yourself alil. It's only in your own eyes that's what's the least can become something satisfying ya~

Its alright.

2011-11-29T14:55:00.001+08:00

Let me wail and say I'm in uncomfort and pain. My eyes feels hot and I just wanna say it hurts.
I am an emotional baby and you can and I know you'll stay away..

with alil satisfaction ~

2011-11-28T02:40:00.001+08:00

P says my EQ is higher then my IQ.
Thus, for certain things I'll do a wonderful job.. being sure I have and would have done so!

I seriously wonder if that's a compliment or an insult in a spilt sec! Oops!

GP was a success. (Ofcus there are areas that could have been better) I was totally glad and all happy completing the task with much assurance from ppl around me. But it was alittle upsetting that I didn't have any "celebration party" or real finale in what I do. It was satisfaction inside and lotsa warmth. (the reality that its over have yet subside totally!)
Well, it's good enough for now I guess, I try not to think further just yet! But I was glad and had a nice break after...

with giraffe and mee...

*

I*

2011-11-21T02:02:00.001+08:00

can I say to you my struggles?
can I tell you I'm more then tired?
can I ask of more then what you've offered?

just alill more.
But I anticipates disappointments after..

The tiny comforts tiding me over...

2011-11-17T08:49:00.001+08:00

The kind of exhaustion that you can't even measure is nothing like a race. Because you can't look forward to the finishing line.

; When I rest that heavy head on that sticky you,
my mind stopped and comfort was all over.

; When I jumped and crashed on mummy's bed being a stinky me, mummy talking while I shut my eyes, Wynn whining for my attention by the bed and my Sis shouts ".. Is ah girl home yet..?" that's comfort in the air (noise) too.

But to get out of all that and back to reality, all I could do was to not think and just got my butt moving!

I'm trying by not thinking!

Lesson #111

2011-11-11T02:19:00.001+08:00

Independence seems to be grown on you through both good and bad times.

Physically, emotionally.

My life's lessons just keeps going hard.
And My independence has grown muscles.

^

Emo.baby

2011-11-07T00:50:00.001+08:00

Such a emo baby each time I fly for work..

And I wonder if it's right or it's training!
I'm still figuring as I experience it..

Shall take it easier right! :)

being emo emo.

2011-11-01T21:02:00.003+08:00

I trying to be angry with the person in front of me..

but i am actually angry with everything else around me..

maybe i am angry with myself.

so angry that i am talking to you-myBlog.

:)

2011-10-29T16:26:00.001+08:00

Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness.
Isaiah 41:10

And i thought this is how it should be.. No?

2011-10-28T00:16:00.001+08:00

I can't imagine if I were to love someone so much to wanna spend my life with, and yet he is not my best friend.

Someone says that's the ideal.

But I feel that it's the only way you can grow old with someone.
Because when your hair is grey, and skin wrinkled.
Only your best friend will nag and laugh at your old and haggard look, but still rub your wrinkled face, hold that wrinkled hand and walk with you to pickup up something u left out because of your failed memory..

Right?

Adulthood. Emotional buildup.

2011-10-26T22:55:00.001+08:00

This growing up phase lately has planted many tear glans in me.

I am easily made to cry.
Especially being alone.

I wakeup in shock and feeling sappy all over. I started to tear. But the next moment I am sleeping like a baby.

I receive words of harsh comments and insensitive remarks, I feel tears standing by my eye lids. But next moment and breath swallow them up and could smile.

I write now with much emotions, I think I can cry too. But I won't, instead I could write and comfort myself thinking that everything will be alright.. How bad can things get?!

I forgot to mentioned that, it's also planted much muscles to hold my tears up!

Growing up seems to be getting my emotions up and moving!

Was it that long ago since i graduated?

2011-10-26T22:37:00.001+08:00

Yes, it doesn't feel that it was that long ago that I received this bear n since have him with me by my bed...
But on the other hand, it feels like it's been a long long time, so long that I'm exhausted.

Where's the next pitstop?
Where's the next finishing point?

Will there be a next "graduation"? Or "celebration"?

This "race" seems to get longer and longer.

12hr race

2011-10-13T01:28:00.001+08:00

Kind of exhausted until I'm wide awake.
Ouch.

Say it then.

2011-10-01T18:27:00.001+08:00

" .. never leave things unsaid..." - combat hospital (trung said after suzy's passing)

Something that caught me thinking.

I felt a sudden chilliness hearing one of my prev teacher's passing as well. I know there's so much I wanted to thank him for and tell him what his little ways has brought me this far. I guess it's smth really clear in my mind yet extremely far away.

I learnt that;
I should have said what I wanted then.
Things wouldn't matter if it's said after a long time.

Like what Trung said "... Never leave things unsaid.."

If only.
Oh gloomy sat.

*
-dentist pitstop today too-

Realising me.

2011-09-30T17:51:00.001+08:00

I suddenly realized what I truly need.
It's not going to be easy.

In fact, it's tougher then it could have been.
Fear. But I'm walking on as it's beyond and way too late.

*
Also, i need to visit the dentist.
One of my biggest fear... :(
Where's daddy? Each time I go to the dentist, my dad would bring or fetch me... But he is away.. Now I feel like a baby... Is there a daddy-rental service?!

.

2011-09-26T08:58:00.001+08:00

I feel that I need more then what's been around.
I've been trying, but i don't know why it seems like it's getting tougher. Shouldn't things improve and get better? Why the backward?

I'm trying to take stride.

Fast-lane

2011-09-24T03:47:00.001+08:00

If there's a fast-lane in life,
I'd like to hop on for awhile.
Just for this bit, just to skip this phase of unknowing thee.

Encouragements in other forms..

2011-09-23T08:49:00.001+08:00

Caught A little bit of heaven last night.. (not forgetting the mistake of buying the wrong movie tickets but yet just watching it! :P)

It was a nice show, with heartache, tear drops and heartfelt smiles..

It's encouragement and lotsa reminders..
I love that she ended her life experiencing all that she wanted.. Forgiveness, relationships, love..
And she insisted on a funeral with the FUN from the FUNERAL!! gettit? Haha! It was lovely...

Sudden thought, if I were to die.. Let there be red tulips, some polka dots, desserts and a celebration.. I'd wished I've lived a life worth celebrating for! :)

I'm extremely encouraged..
I shall choose to let go of all the bitterness from my tiny-dreadful part of my life (myjob)

It's Friday!

Reads.

2011-09-18T11:08:00.001+08:00

Taken from a blog post where she wrote of "letting go".. And quoted from a book.

"Our greatest strength isn't our ability to imagine brighter days ahead, it is that we are empowered - in every present moment – to effortlessly dismiss any dark thought or feeling that, left unattended, diminishes our happiness"

Something to remind ourselves.

A 19 year old.

2011-09-16T18:33:00.001+08:00

Over lunch we joked and teased about age,
there was a 19 year old lady that just came onboard!.
Today (Friday) apparently was her happiest day of the week! Because her Bf is in the army (@tekong).

Kind of made me smile I felt like "... was it that long ago?!!!!..."

:) growing up.
But, those were little joys.
Then.

A learning pitstop - Opportunity

2011-09-14T08:05:00.001+08:00

"... It is ok not to take up the opportunity..."
".. It is only an opportunity if it brings u one step closer to wad u truly love.."

原来、有时候。
放弃也是一种会让你感到轻松的决定。
一种勇气、一种新期望。

It now seems like a gain somehow.

I am truly glad I had close ones that seemed to see what's in me, not that they gave me opinions but instead they waited for me to make them and gave me comfort.
How often you have such mates close to your soul.
I'm thankful :)

Now, to take pride and less grief in the current before a real opportunity comes along!
"Hush now" says one! :)

to Believe...

2011-09-11T11:32:00.001+08:00

Am hooked on Combat Hospital..
As much as I love doctors/ hospi stories, I love the reality part too. It also reflects the side of war that's really happening in our real world.

It aches and brings great reminders and encouragement about life. Also, I love the team spirit and the frontal responsibilities and work one could contributed to help and make a difference! whatever happens, life still moves and spirits shall not die just yet, as at the very next moment your smile may be aiding another!

@the prev episode, the chapel-line was down, seeing too many why's and having her faith at large. Nonetheless, she found her believe that actually never left her, it was just a moment.

Believe..

She reminded, to Believe.
Don't forget that our beliefs will never die, don't let doubts or fear over power it..

And today, I choose to believe.
Myself, my plan, my future, my joy, you.

A True Story

2011-09-10T13:50:00.001+08:00

I chance upon this story;

Betty Anne Waters: 'We thought Kenny was coming home' - Conviction

It wow-ed me not in the most encouraging way but amazes and sends a msg this instance.

This women is amazing.
but unfotunately her story ended with the practicality of reality.

I can't exact piece up my thoughts of such unexpected ending as yet it's really too cruel.
It's just alil painful.

I saw that, whatever you do and choose to go, whatever the result will only matter if it's worth it. True?! Not forgetting reality and life's uncertainty.

Now I wanna watch the movie.
Nonethless, her courage and testimony will definitely encourage many!

I'm one of them.

Un pretty fri

2011-09-09T19:09:00.001+08:00

I can't be this emotionally messy then ever!
Feels totally like a kid that wants to have her day and meals planned.

Tell me it's the hormones! It must be!

*
Nerves and overwhelming thoughts are set aside.
She just have to prickle it.
then should I be understanding with the facts" and let patience and tad interest stay?
Or should I be out there and be of the asking?

Un-craved remembered.

2011-09-05T08:16:00.001+08:00

One after the other! As it shouldn't go together apparently!

"mmmmmnnmmnnn" on red velvet that is!
Nom! Nom! Nom!

Thankies!

Words

2011-09-04T10:20:00.001+08:00

It's amazing how ppl uses lil words as codes without Pre-clarifications but yet the other understands. But on the other hand, at other times, words so completely said yet could be un-understood.

Oh human and their brain!

Muusic and random thoughts about the 9-6 affair

2011-09-03T04:55:00.001+08:00

Fireflies

by Owl City

by Jayesslee

*
I couldn't know better about the love-hate relationship I have with my job and Interest and everything around it.

The lil excitement and pleasure I had, like a conversation with an artist for work today, I think ive got a tiny seed of art(s) under those fats. Then the cutest number of thank you-s from the big man at work over a "talk" I attended with him the day before.
Ok, it's also love head fr the culture within and above.

Sneak a pic of the bigman at the art gallery. Yup, more working coming up fr such.

I guess it's rare for a brand marketing that's has some design/ art relations to it, but just all underneath the sheets, and above it? The human nonsense.

Oh love-hate.

X_X

2011-09-02T09:01:00.001+08:00

Cupcakes and beer pls

Beautiful you and me

2011-09-02T08:54:00.001+08:00

I don't know why but I felt really touched reading this written by a fren;

"There could never be a more beautiful you because you were wonderfully and fearfully made by our daddy"

Yep. It's true.
We've got to learn to see the beauty of everyone, god's creations it is.

:)

2011-08-30T17:16:00.002+08:00

It's kind of weird that i feel that its almost similar;

when i hear/see 2 becoming 1.

when i hear/see a couple parting ways.

it is not exactly totally sweetness, neither total bitterness..

it is more like the tinge sensation of airy-ness..

well well.

Just so

2011-08-26T01:51:00.001+08:00

I'm not sure if it's a moment of annoyance/anger or it's a furball of unhappiness not seeing eye to eye.

Am I to learn to rid my emotional felts or am I to let it wail?

I seriously can't believe how much it irks me, I can't believe it's so.

Who's in vain?

Knowing so

2011-08-20T11:14:00.001+08:00

I realized I never ever could understand myself,
Thus understood the other. Similar or not, understanding falls on believing in faith and trust. Hmmm... Kindof so; am I right?

We seems to be trying to understand this human world, humans, ourselves in almost every aspect of living everyday. But we often don't realize that we discover ourselves along the way...

(seems like a tough and tiring journey huh. Now that's why ppl always feel that they know themselves. But I truly doubt so.)

girly morning.

2011-08-13T09:49:00.001+08:00

i saw a gf posted this song for a bf :)

I'd like a bestfriend, a soulmate, a darling, a buddy,

everything in Him.

Just a Girly one-of-those Mornings~

D. daddy

2011-08-10T08:30:00.001+08:00

The dad always prickle the emo-glans.
The after math always makes me stronger.

I walked and looked and searched. Found and felt like I accomplish smth. (thou it's just coffee) but I felt very much better.

The sweet aroma and after taste of Hazelnut Latte never fails to give me that tinge of warmth.
Remembering the night I struggled fr repeat IA paper after a bad patch, dad got home with the cup after a trip to the airport.

Tear glans; I'm no longer a lil Gurl. I'll be all alright!

If i could

2011-08-09T03:41:00.001+08:00

Sometimes I really do know and I really can see,
Like how i gave A a genuine thought ".. Life may seem like a movie, but reality has a line deep within" like happy endings and sweet nothings.
Only, to heed what I actually know and knew..
If I could.

just lil thoughts.

2011-08-07T23:10:00.003+08:00

while you may be having a wonderful time,

someone is tearing in pain.

while you hope to have a better time,

you are actually already blessed with the simpler living.

i keep harping on my busy life and this packed month odd.

but what's the big deal.

yes, i admit i choose the forward-living and the escape route for joy.

this lil moment, i stop and had a good thought about every other thing.

a fren's lil reminder about life once more.

thus, i tried to stop and look back.

look right into it.

and wanted to feel the instance.

i am still trying.

to find the right way of living right and well.

and giving and being around for all i can and all i should.

am i living selfishly or in denial?

flashing back where i was everywhere.

2011-08-07T22:11:00.003+08:00

looking back from June till now..

everything seems to pass me by in a flash..

First it was Japan;

; i went with a heavy heart and a heart that yearn to grow-up/out.

i returned with so much felts and gratitude with my life.

yes, it also was a huge relief of another rocky work patch.

Then my Buddy Weds..

i was more then Happy for her!

as much i hoped and yearn for love, i was grinning in all smiles to see their love then.

it was pretty. i was so honored to be part of it.

my dearest buddy enters the next phase of her life :)

&yep..

i turn older.. it was my birthday...

i was tired and i was filling my celebrations all over.

i wanted to be reminded of how loved and blessed i was..

and i really really am..

then; i had a FARM road-trip..

it's amazing how we got together as a group..

how we acknowledge and embrace our differences...

how we love and care for one another..

and how far we've been.. :)

then i pop by Krabi.

of-cus with my darling old-girlies. Our First Trip!

and i met Matt, someone i met, knew and kept in touch for 3 years..

it was really surreal as well..

he says: "3 years(apart) and 3 days(i returned)"

finally;

a lil trip with my family...

i feel so so grown up.

and i dont know why, each genting-trip feels like a pit stop..

but.. i am still a lil girl with them.

yet..

it feels like only yesterday that i got back from Japan.

and my mind is still a-bloat.

Halt fear.

2011-07-31T15:34:00.001+08:00

I never really "stopped" after returning from japan.. But today I kindof "stopped" and sat down with some or almost nothing in my mind and no rush thoughts/schedule.

But it felt scary.
Yes, I'm afraid.

Afraid to stop and think.

What just went by me again? What's ahead and what's good for me?

I won't be stopping for the next 2weeks again.
I hope that by then, I'll feel no/ less fear.

-remembering today-

There are days that i do the dumb-est things..

2011-07-31T14:32:00.001+08:00

And there are days I'm kind of serious and somewhat "smarter"?

That's all me right? I sometimes wonder too! -_-"

3 Qualities.

2011-07-22T00:08:00.001+08:00

Today I read of a question,
"what 3 qualities would you look for in your partner?"

I wrote " Big-hearted (is that a quality?), Compassionate, Fun-loving."

It was that split second kind of answer, I later read many many weird answers!

What about; reliability, responsibility, trustworthy, giving, cheerful, god-fearing even....
I kept me wondering for awhile for which are the most impt quality and would one have them all 3 together? :) just being random!

Such Qualities will only matter when it applies to the found love, found partner seeing eye to eye ya.

Nights.

I'd like a walk in the park...

2011-07-21T08:34:00.003+08:00

see the horizon
or just walk by the late lights
or feeling the breeze
or the voice of thee

Kindship

2011-07-13T08:33:00.001+08:00

I had a wonderful noisy noisy time with the family last evening... Like my bro inlaw would say.. "you all are damn noisy you know.." we were extremely noisy! But it's because it has been awhile since we car in as one on was stuck on the road for that long! From dinner plans to ending up having supper at 930pm... That's how silly it was.

I was once again reminded of the goodness of kinship and love from within. They are and will always be.

And that's what I'd need to look forward for and with!

Oh random midweek! :)

A slice of both thoughts less parallel.

2011-07-11T08:55:00.001+08:00

Each time I hear news of quakes happening at J. my heart sinks alil and couldn't be more reminded of the goodness and gratitude we live in this instance.
Also, it reminds me of this unpredictable life, so should we live like there's no tomorrow? Or should we live with more values and with greater pride and purpose..?

Dislikes.

2011-07-04T08:20:00.001+08:00

Why does it not feel alright this morn?

#

2011-06-25T03:05:00.001+08:00

"... If I tell you I'm scared, would you believe me?"

Or could I have passed feeling so; let it come, let it go..

Surreal

2011-06-22T23:53:00.001+08:00

Looking back, weeks/ month.
Everything seems unreal. I still can't come into terms with what has happened in this span of time..

Seems like everything that's meant to sink in, is still spinning over me...

So, how did or where have I gone or been.
Did everything just passed me by...?

Surreal it is.

Hardly understood. Hardly felt.

2011-06-21T00:43:00.001+08:00

I hardly could understand the actions covering thoughts and emotions .

I hardly could understand living rules and right-s .

I hardly could understand if there's a better reason for everything .

I hardly could understand the natural human cycle of growing up/old .

I hardly could understand the other self .

I hardly could understand oneself .

I hardly could understand this post .

Shiokyness

2011-06-13T04:06:00.001+08:00

As I hug and lay on my stinky pillows and ever bouncy bed.. All I can say is .... SHIOK!
oh I do miss them so :)
I think the familiar sense of comfort and ease is coated over them :)

Nights!

2011-06-07T21:48:00.001+08:00

tired, is an understatement.

but i am not reading much into it, because i can't afford to and i am not even halfway.

fear and gratitude

2011-06-07T00:10:00.002+08:00

experience almost 3 hours of terbulance for the first time.
(no beverage was served and food was by hand...)
got frighten being alone in such situation.
all i did was to pray, and god sent me this lil angel :)
A lady being as frightened next to me spoke to me, we kindof talked and gave each other that comfort.

i think i felt how great it is to be safe! called sis n mum once i touched down.. msged few as well.
started feeling emotional reading sms from few that sent. i felt my pretty life that instance, i admit i had stuff running in my mind throughout.

tmr will be a long day.
but i will be good ya.
burp, i just had 3/4 can of Asahi light!
oops!

good night.

Off i go..

2011-06-06T06:01:00.001+08:00

There's a strangest feeling to fly alone this time round. The excitement has subside, yet other felts fall in.

I hope to be brave and well.

Chase/ Wait

2011-05-26T09:44:00.001+08:00

Have you ever at different age-stages of your life, wonder what are you chasing/waiting for?

What makes your life complete and what's there to look forward or should be achieved?

Else, even by not chasing, how can you accept the daily living with a smile?

What truly makes you contented?

And is it even in your hands, your reach?

*

If there's an answer. I'd like to know.
If there isn't, than what is everyone else living by each day?
Or will we only know after the days go by, 5/10years later.. How we have wasted or well spent our days/life...

God's plan...

BreathS

2011-05-23T23:26:00.001+08:00

When I heard the wise one speak of regrets and disappointments I brace myself and said it's ok and as long as she knew she tried with no regrets. Leaving the rest to God since it's beyond one's control. I added that life's never a bed of roses...

With it I breathe hard and catch my own breathe once again.

Like the warm words of how one could stop growing up and be a lil one sometimes... when I nagged about how tiring it is Growing up.

I breathe again.

Life is filled with many many many stuffs.
But life is about living.
Should we never stop trying to live right even if we are tired? My catchup-breathes just assured me so...

I realised..

2011-05-21T12:58:00.001+08:00

Wynn Wynn has been sticking to me so closely I feel bad.. Unconditional love I've got here..

Reads.

2011-05-20T08:35:00.001+08:00

A fren shared these on fb from E*T, LOVE, PRAY..

We all want things to stay the same, David. Settle for living in misery because were afraid of change. Of things crumbling to ruins. Then I looked around in this place at the chaos its endured. The way its been adapted, burned, pillaged, and found a way to build itself back up again…and I was reassured. Maybe my life hasn’t been so chaotic, it’s just the world that is. And the only real trap is getting attached to any of it. Ruin is a gift. Ruin is the road to transformation. Even in this eternal city. The Augustium showed me that we must always be prepared for endless waves of transformation.

-
If you're brave enough to leave behind everything familiar and comforting, which can be anything from your house to bitter, old resentments, and set out on a truth-seeking journey, either externally or internally, and if you are truly willing to regard everything that happens to you on that journey as a clue and if you accept everyone you meet along the way as a teacher and if you are prepared, most of all, to face and forgive some very difficult realities about yourself, then the truth will not be withheld from you.
-

Now i wanna read it all over again.

Now, in search of a book to acc me to my lil adventure @the land of the rising sun...

最温暖的话。

2011-05-20T00:47:00.001+08:00

strangest yet encouraged phone-call

2011-05-15T17:25:00.002+08:00

received a rare call from my distant aunt.

(the other from down under which i never am close or fancied since little)

It is by chance i picked up her call and have this strangest long conversation with her.

it was Alright! it was in fact pretty well.

especially being a little emo-baby this evening.

she shared her lil joy and asked about mum and dad.

spoke of the quake at spain and of her concern towards everyone.

she asked a lot about me as well.

unsure of why, my tear glans got tickled again.

it sure is the hormones.

but i suddenly feel thankful,

for a random message of love in a strangest way.

taking huge breathes as i type this.

to remember to remind.

to question to feel.

Thank you, Aunty Sandra.

2011-05-15T15:53:00.002+08:00

Chance upon this on a fren's FB..

Listened to it once and it seemed like a longest music/ song that instant..

the moment lasted longer than it should.

Holding on, Letting go - Ross Copperman

It's everything you wanted, it's everything you don't
It's one door swinging open and one door swinging closed
Some past finding answers, some past never know
Holding on, letting go

Sometimes we holding angels
And we never even know
Don't know if we'll make it, or we know
We just can't let it show

When you are...

2011-05-14T01:31:00.001+08:00

Being angry with yourself.

You just feel the emotion dancing at your doorstep. And you feel that you have no strength to relate it to anyone but yourself..

Alil like having a late-menstrual cycle.

倦

2011-05-12T00:30:00.000+08:00

A peek..

2011-05-11T08:26:00.001+08:00

Stood next to a lady reading the book of Corinthians, chap 13. on her daily bread (benefit of doubt) I got curious and googled! Just to Share a good read!

1 Corinthians
Chapter 13

1 (1) if I speak in human and angelic tongues (2) but do not have love, I am a resounding gong or a clashing cymbal.
2 And if I have the gift of prophecy and comprehend all mysteries and all knowledge; if I have all faith so as to move mountains but do not have love, I am nothing.
3 If I give away everything I own, and if I hand my body over so that I may boast but do not have love, I gain nothing.
4 (3) Love is patient, love is kind. It is not jealous, (love) is not pompous, it is not inflated,
5 it is not rude, it does not seek its own interests, it is not quick-tempered, it does not brood over injury,
6 it does not rejoice over wrongdoing but rejoices with the truth.
7 It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
8 (4) Love never fails. If there are prophecies, they will be brought to nothing; if tongues, they will cease; if knowledge, it will be brought to nothing.
9 For we know partially and we prophesy partially,
10 but when the perfect comes, the partial will pass away.
11 When I was a child, I used to talk as a child, think as a child, reason as a child; when I became a man, I put aside childish things.
12 At present we see indistinctly, as in a mirror, but then face to face. At present I know partially; then I shall know fully, as I am fully known.
13 (5) So faith, hope, love remain, these three; but the greatest of these is love.

-

1 [1-13] This chapter involves a shift of perspective and a new point. All or part of the material may once have been an independent piece in the style of Hellenistic eulogies of virtues, but it is now integrated, by editing, into the context of 1 Cor 12-14 (cf the reference to tongues and prophecy) and into the letter as a whole (cf the references to knowledge and to behavior). The function of 1 Cor 13 within the discussion of spiritual gifts is to relativize all the charisms by contrasting them with the more basic, pervasive, and enduring value that gives them their purpose and their effectiveness. The rhetoric of this chapter is striking.

2 [1-3] An inventory of gifts, arranged in careful gradation: neither tongues (on the lowest rung), nor prophecy, knowledge, or faith, nor even self-sacrifice has value unless informed by love.

3 [4-7] This paragraph is developed by personification and enumeration, defining love by what it does or does not do. The Greek contains fifteen verbs; it is natural to translate many of them by adjectives in English.

4 [8-13] The final paragraph announces its topic, Love never fails (1 Cor 13:8), then develops the permanence of love in contrast to the charisms (1 Cor 13:9-12), and finally asserts love's superiority even over the other "theological virtues" (1 Cor 13:13).

5 [13] In speaking of love, Paul is led by spontaneous association to mention faith and hope as well. They are already a well-known triad (cf 1 Thes 1:3), three interrelated (cf 1 Cor 13:7) features of Christian life, more fundamental than any particular charism. The greatest . . . is love: love is operative even within the other members of the triad (7), so that it has a certain primacy among them. Or, if the perspective is temporal, love will remain (cf "never fails," 1 Cor 13:8) even when faith has yielded to sight and hope to possession.

- copyrights http://www.usccb.org/nab/bible/1corinthians/1corinthians13.htm
*

Goose-bumps over love vows.

2011-05-10T23:36:00.002+08:00

some love stories and love occasions just make me grow goosebumps and tickle that gd tear gland.
my girly frens shared it and we all went "oooooooooo" over it...
and i obviously i went on to see more... and more makes me smile hard enough.
i guess the part on a celebrity love story is the line they have between REALITY and ManMade stories. thus it triggers you more!
especially when the love story is shared and/or the brave talks on his/her love for the other :)

the part on Him/ Her shouting "I DO" when mr microphone couldn't work..
the part on Him kissing her hands..
the VOWS he said with his own words...
the Tears saw amongst frens...
the Love expressed...

*gooseBumps*

in a month's time, i'll be witnessing real close girlies walking down the isle..
:)

生日快乐

2011-05-10T10:03:00.001+08:00

-

2011-05-04T22:58:00.001+08:00

Appreciation; so what's next?
Anger management; upsets!

Seeing an angry woman behave madly, big reminder that i shall never let anger and upset grow!!!!

Tired.
I guess the felts of war fighting alone bites your flesh and leaves you shivering in fear. It upsets me again and again.
But I pick myself up faster each time with more thoughts and a clearer mind.

Although I don't know how should it go and how to prevent it, but I know I'm sane!!

2011-05-03T01:52:00.006+08:00

i am amazed with the patience and heart of the matter.

is this the right attitude? or could it be a deceiving attribute?

Nonetheless, it feels right and well (for now).

The grass is always greener on the other side.

2011-05-02T14:52:00.002+08:00

Familiar phrase?
But I've just came across this other saying by one if my fav bloggers!

It says ...
" The grass isn’t greener on the other side of the fence.
The grass is greenest where it is watered."

:)

Yep, be contented with what you have. "Water" your life. Love your doings. By not complaining but by making the best of it is living on the greener side!

Leaving it "dry" and "withered" that's letting a green side turn dark! :)

Oh well, I still can't help complain lar, but I try to make an effort to remind myself all that time.. and thanks to such good reads I stay afloat :)

June

2011-04-29T08:43:00.001+08:00

It's going to be an eventful month.
With quite fair bit going on..
The thought of it makes me look forward yet I feel tired already!
I just added something to that month. And I wanna "laugh" thinking about it. I seriously can't believe I'm giving myself timeline for stuffs. Me and time management ~ hur!

I secretly cannot wait already! :)

Sometimes...

2011-04-27T08:32:00.001+08:00

I like things in order.
I prefer things keeping the norm.
I wished for consistency.
I hoped for stability.

Other times,
I just find changes challenging and fresh.

Signs of aging?
Signs of a tired soul.

Marriage

2011-04-24T23:35:00.007+08:00

"A formal union of a man and woman,typically recognized by law.."

definition i read.

but it wasn't exactly please with the meanings/ definition given.

because the word is giving me new perspective and thoughts every other day.

Yes, it is a commitment, contractual law thingy,

you are given a new status.

comes with it, Love moving onto a bigger picture.

to me, its; Love recognizing Life.

I received an official wedding invite (sms) from a close girl fren,

i knew of her wedding plans and all but receiving an office msg

still gave me goose-bumps all over.

i've been to a couple of wedding recently,

but i've yet went to any of my really close girl friends.

but this year, i will be attending 2.

over the weekend,

i had a wonderful time acc dol for her gown fitting

and making a lil trip to msia.

us few girlies, the hubbies to be etc..

it was alot alot of love! i'd say!

surely, theres anger, tired spells, complains etc etc.. but..

i truly felt the love.

Dol said that she wanted us to be part of all these.

(she used the word 'purposely)

i remember mentioning that if it's my turn, i would do it myself!

(we had 7 opinions on sat and it was a killer)

but i remembered the girls reaction of saying how we all should be sharing

such moments together! (whether i like it or not!) HAHA.

my heart and mind is overflowing with thoughts!

and i'm kinda exhausted to say further..

till next time!

US fooling around while the Bride-to-be gets started!

Quick Snap!

(can you see the NO Photography sign?)

Groom uses Bride as a Hanger..

Groom and Buddy mocks and snaps!

My dearest Bride-To-Be..

I'm so happy and glad to be part of this Journey of Yours!

(although i sometimes really wanna strangle u!!!)

I hope you are enjoying every part of it.

Love your smile and happiness i captured here!

Love.Love.Love!

i will keep my heart warm for me.

2011-04-22T18:06:00.003+08:00

i just finished watching a drama serial: 犀利人妻.

once again it left me with all types of emotions and achy eye lids.

but it also gave me alil tinge of sweet bitterness.

the show revolves around life, specifically marriage and love.

ofcourse there were negativity and positive aspect of it all.

but i guess, it brought out the real world.

to me, it wasn't an awful ending or upsetting a show.

(most critics were about how sad it makes one feel and how horrible the ending was, - not an obvious happy ending)

instead, i am surprised that it brought me another kind of felt.

i was asked to feel my own heart.

and listen to it.

also, hoping that someone would see and hear that sound.

together with it, i bear to queries and no second thoughts.

because, we never will know what tomorrow will bring.

because, you'll never know how the other heart truly looks like.

you only know your own heart.

so honour your own felts.

with pride. with love.

It is not wrong to love yourself.

if my heart could touch yours the way i want it. i would be proud of my heart.

this may not make sense to anyone.

but i just felt warm knowing that,

i love my heart and am proud that i want to keep it warmth.

even if it touches cold, i know it will get back its warmth no matter what.

it can be cold for any other reason.

but it will be ready to be warm for every other reason as well.

Conversations

2011-04-21T08:41:00.001+08:00

; A man who've gone through Life's various phrase and seemed to start all over again. I saw his fearless anticipation, also I saw his clarity of thoughts.

; one whom you know, you sometimes fear, you sometimes feel over yourself.. You exchange and receive thoughts, take a deep breathe and feel all over again.

This humanely exchange of thoughts. Sometimes keeps me sane.

Hi early Friday~

Have I left you something to smile about?

2011-04-19T00:04:00.006+08:00

i was surfing and reading all night... and i pop by a blog i used to follow,

one that gave me alot of encouragement; A Wonder Woman's Blog.

well, the blog is no longer active.

Molly has went home to be with the lord a while ago.

but, it continued to give me a lil push.

because, i find that as much so, Molly's story lives and her comfort has not stopped warming up others. I still see messages on the chatbox up till date.

:) - Molly and family, thank you.

Does all good stories, encouragements and people live forever?

online or offline. in heart or in mind.

i wonder if i have left you something that you'll unknowingly keep ..forever?

overflowing thoughts

2011-04-18T19:48:00.002+08:00

I came across this vid by Steve Jobs on Career, Life and Death.

quoting:

"..So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something—your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever..."

He says he is impossible to connect dots looking forward, instead they only make sense connecting backwards. - like where you are now and how to have came here, instead of where this will lead you. As you really wouldn't know just yet.

He talks about Death being a really big factor to push one from doing one's best.

He also mentioned about the importance of Loving what you do and not letting any factor drag you down, in areas of life/ living as well.

Also, things thats has somehow gave you a turning point be it negative or positive, we gotta take it moving forward not stopping.

I wouldn't say i adore or look upon him. but what he said did struck me thinking.

and it surely made me look at myself.

Life. Career. Living. Love.

yes, it is creating overwhelming thoughts in me.

right now.

this moment on.

Carving career with opportunity..

2011-04-18T13:05:00.001+08:00

Animal prints, sweeping dyed n made-up fringe, smiles with eyes observing....
Watched "devils wear pr*da"? That's almost it!

I'm suddenly intimidated and am unsure if I'm cut for it! Or is this what I dreamt of achieving?
Well, when opportunity strikes, there you start all over again.

You start asking yourself a million questions..
Plus, with this weird combi-brain like mine, you can't imagine the depth of questions!!!!

Faints!

Sometimes you hoped to be simpler, other times you just hope to strive.

another chapter growing up.

2011-04-13T18:01:00.001+08:00

it was a teeny bit like in school. Case studies and charts, complete with questions and some debates. Not forgetting notes..

Just that u realized ppl around you are kindof successful and it's no longer called a lecture, but a conference.

You realized, you've grown up Sooooooooo much! WTH.

谢谢

2011-04-11T10:59:00.001+08:00

"... you are not alone.."

Night blurps

2011-04-08T01:24:00.001+08:00

Some talents and stories just impresses and falls right into your bank of emotions.
And you wonder what's out there for u.

On the side note;
I just realized i am totally halved or less of my self knowledge of thoughts.
Meaning; I under estimated every other matter or body around. And I thought I at least knew or kindof know, but the truth is; I may be the one with the least knowledge or realization.
Help.
I've grown backwards mentally.
I am truly the foolish one here!
Oh crap.
But if thats life, I hope someone will take me for the way I am and may forever be...

Qoutes from GREY'S

2011-04-07T21:33:00.001+08:00

We all think we're going to be great and we feel a little bit robbed when our expectations aren't met. But sometimes our expectations sell us short. Sometimes the expected simply pales in comparison to the unexpected. You got to wonder why we cling to our expectations, because the expected is just what keeps us steady. Standing. Still, the expected's just the beginning, the unexpected is what changes our lives

Too often, the thing you want most is the one thing you can't have. Desire leaves us heartbroken, it wears us out. Desire can wreck your life. But as tough as wanting something can be; The people who suffer the most, are those who don't know what they want.

Change; we don't like it, we fear it, but we can't stop it from coming. We either adapt to change or we get left behind. And it hurts to grow, anybody who tells you it doesn't is lying. But heres the truth: the more things change, the more they stay the same. And sometimes, oh, sometimes change is good. Oh, sometimes change is everything.

The ties that binds us are sometimes impossible to explain. They connect us even after it seems like the ties should be broken. Some bonds defy distance and time and logic; Because some ties are simply... meant to be.

We spend our whole lives worrying about the future, planning for the future, trying to predict the future, as if figuring it out will cushion the blow. But the future is always changing. The future is the home of our deepest fears and wildest hopes. But one thing is certain when it finally reveals itself. The future is never the way we imagined it.

*

Life's lil reminders...

2011-04-03T23:51:00.002+08:00

as mundane and gloomy over the daily cycle,

there's always life's lil reminders to tell you to look far and beyond with a smile.

received this photocard from Mel&Chris..

"We're expending our house by two feet!"

:) :) :) :)

Mum was in her hair curls since 3pm today..

because she's going to a concert with dad later the night!

hahaha.

so funny. it's been awhile since they go for such!

"...Tony ah, which shirt are you wearing......?"

Although my parents ain't the most romantic or loving couple,

but their kind of love is still something that warms me up.

i am blessed to still see and feel such.

good bye sunday.

M*ji turns 8 tmr..

2011-04-01T00:03:00.001+08:00

and I gain 80 strands of white hair + 80000calories eating at weeeee hrs refusing to sleep.....

YAWNS.
; Spring Summer Fashion Month/ Week up next.
Oh April... Argh...
Where's June?

Dad!

2011-03-31T00:26:00.001+08:00

- pardon the unglam, mum alr force-comb his hair! Haha.

"...daddy 笑 properly ..."
"... 大胆.. Call your Father 'siao' ..."

HAHA.

The old man turns a year older. Comes with it more grumps and annoyance (remembers the irritating qs he asks throughout my tv programme out of his era) :) and more Love Ofcourse. (patience training that is!) haha!

Happy Birthday Daddy!

Teveeee

2011-03-29T01:05:00.001+08:00

The thing I like about Grey's;

It has the most messedup relationships, situations and yet they do and accomplish the best of things (in the show context)
And Ofcourse we get to see happy endings ...

Today it ended with some "...trauma, Life's ... is what that makes us move on..."

Someone got engaged, another broke up, and forgave, regretted, died, loved or saw light. Everything. Anything, everywhere.

The story just intrigues and amazes me. I enjoy watching it with the strangest felts.

Maybe because; I am messedup too.

My Bos* asked ...

2011-03-28T20:39:00.001+08:00

"... Do you feel like a superwoman today?"

I shall take it as a compliment. Poooof!

A message.

2011-03-28T08:16:00.001+08:00

A Pure Heart

A pure heart, that's what I long for.
A heart that follows hard after Thee;
A pure heart, that's what I long for.
A heart that follows hard after Thee.

VERSE:
A heart that hides Your Word
So that sin will not come in.
A heart that's undivided
But one You rule and reign;
A heart that beats compassion,
That pleases You, my Lord.
A sweet aroma of worship
That rises to Your throne.

-
This song came tapping on me this morning, as I felt and wanted to wail along with it, I am piecing up his word for me.

*

Verses of message

2011-03-27T17:50:00.001+08:00

And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God - Romans 2:12

:)

Came across this on a fren's web. He makes wedding vids. And he says this verse is so beautiful that it edifies him from within. I couldn't Agee more!

“There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.” 1 John 4:18

;The perfect love.
Is it brave, honorable, respectful and in grace.
Drives out fear, jealousy and anger?